Episode 93: Parenting a Teen with Anxiety with Monica Crnogorac

In this impactful episode of "Wellness in Every Season," Autumn Carter sits down with Monica Crnogorac, a dedicated coach specializing in helping teens overcome anxiety and build lasting confidence. Together, they dive into the often turbulent world of teen mental health, addressing common challenges such as anxiety and self-doubt, and offering practical guidance for parents. Monica provides powerful strategies to foster resilience, boost self-esteem, and create open lines of communication between parents and their teens, ensuring that families can better support one another during this crucial time of growth.

Ready to join Monica Crnogorac's world?

Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/parenting-anxious-teens-parenting-teens-managing-teen/id1757142421

 Website - https://www.consciouscoach.biz/

Social Media Handle - https://www.instagram.com/__consciouscoach/

One last thing to cover the show legally. I am a certified life coach giving general advice. So think of this more like a self-help book. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist. So this podcast shouldn't be taken as a replacement for professional guidance from my doctor therapist. Or any other qualified expert? If you want personal one-on-one coaching for my certified coach. Go to my website, wellness and every season.com. 

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Transcript

Episode 94: Parenting A Teen with Anxiety with Monica Crnogorac

Introduction and Guest Welcome

Autumn Carter: this is episode 94

Welcome to wellness in every season the podcast where we explore the rich tapestry of wellness in all its forms I am your host autumn carter a certified life coach Turned wellness coach as well as a certified parenting coach Dedicated to empowering others to rediscover their identity in their current season of life My goal is to help you thrive as an individual and as a parent.

Autumn Carter: Hello, welcome to wellness in every season. I am Autumn Carter and today I have on with me Monica and we are going to be having a conversation between the two of us and sharing it between both of our podcast guests. She is a coach all about anxiety with teenagers and she speaks in her podcast to mostly parents. Tell us a little bit about you and welcome everybody to the conversation. 

Monica Crnogorac: Hi everyone. It's so nice to be able to always have these conversations that are framed towards just raising everyone else's awareness around what we do and who we work with. 

Monica's Journey with Anxiety

Monica Crnogorac: my experiences or my passion or reason as to why I became a life coach that works specifically with teens and non clinical anxiety.

It's because of my own personal experiences with it in middle school, and when I was experiencing it at first at a young age, I never knew at the time that what I was going through was anxiety. And so how I was feeling was really overwhelming and, unfamiliar and uncomfortable. And so I would be experiencing all these symptoms and not really understanding the root behind it.

And it got me to carry on that anxiety for a lot more years until I dedicated myself to the self growth journey and started to raise my awareness around what that might look like. And the reason why, again, I chose specifically to focus in on non clinical anxiety is because. My experiences were never severe to the point where they were clinical, but I still knew I needed support.

And had I had gotten the right support, When I was in middle school or even into high school, it would have just shortcutted that experience. It would have normalized it for me. It would have allowed me to not be so afraid to express how I felt. And so that was the main reason what really inspired me is to become that coach for people who teens never really had.

And then there's a level of reliability working with teens because I'm not that much older than them. So I find that we connect well, where it's like I'm not necessarily, a parent, I'm not a guidance counselor, but I'm more looked at as an in between mentor where I can still relate to their lingo and what they're experiencing.

Which is what brought me here today. 

Understanding Anxiety Symptoms

Autumn Carter: So let's dive in a little bit more and tell me about what symptoms did you have? Give me examples, really bring this home. 

Monica Crnogorac: Yeah. When you look at anxiety, there are a range of signs and symptoms. Mine were more physical. So I was triggered by going to school because I was bullied.

So whenever I would be in that environment or going to bed the night before, my anxiety would be coming up. I would lose my appetite at nighttime, and into the day. And then it got me to be physically ill when I got to school because my body was just not feeling safe and was refusing to go to school.

And a lot of my anxiety was actually internalized. So that's one of the misconceptions that people touch on is that anxiety always seems to be visible. And that's why a lot of people were really confused or couldn't really figure it out because I wasn't wearing it on my sleeves. But if you really started to have a conversation with me and hear more about like my thoughts that I was having, that were very fear based, negative and intrusive.

It would then perpetuate that same cycle and increase my symptoms of anxiety so again When I look at it for parents just so that they can understand the scope of which those symptoms can range in You could see like behavioral signs. So frequent worrying Avoiding social situations, whether your kid has changes in like their eating or their sleeping habits.

There's times when they're irritable and so they're having these unexplained outbursts or their moods are swinging or you might actually see a decline in school performance. So lower grades, lower drive, higher procrastination, and then you fall into the physical ones, which are more similar to what I experienced and explain.

So those headaches, lower energy. So you might even be noticing that your teen is feeling tired, even though they're getting adequate sleep. And so it's just really about trying to find a trend and trying to find a pattern amongst that. Because anxiety is something that typically when teens are going through a lot of situations, it's triggered in certain moments.

And it could go away if that big event is finished. For example, when I came back home from school, I was perfectly fine. My energy levels would be back up, I'd be eating again, everything would be okay. 

Parenting and Anxiety

Monica Crnogorac: Which is why it's important for parents not only to understand what anxiety may look like, feel like for their teen, but also to uncover whether or not there is a pattern in where their teen is getting triggered.

So what would you say to a parent who wasn't sure? Again, it would be try to just observe and take note and see whether or not it persists. If let's say they're even nervous about an upcoming test or a project and that goes away I wouldn't necessarily Look into it that much because naturally everyone's going to experience anxiety It's just more often if it's persisting over time and if it's interfering their daily functioning So are they now withdrawing more?

Are they now not eating? that may cause a parent to wonder, okay, what really is going on here? 

Autumn Carter: That makes sense. 

Autumn's Wellness Journey

Autumn Carter: And the reason why we're having this whole conversation today is because I am a newly minted parenting coach. My third child is the one who started this whole journey.

we realized we wanted to hit record and have some of this conversation again and dive in a little bit deeper so that we can share it with all of you because we are both speaking to parents here, we're both speaking about children, and we are coming from different backgrounds.

areas of parenting and different ways of helping parents. So it's very interesting to hear about your journey that's led you here. And I know that you, as we've talked about, have your own podcast. What types of things are you covering on your podcast?

Monica Crnogorac: That's a great question. And the one thing I want to touch on before we get into the podcast is what I'm noticing a lot of, stories behind coaches like you and I is a lot of it comes from our own personal pain and using your pain to propel you forward. 

And so now I want to use my experience in combination with my knowledge, education, whatever that may be. To then help people and to help serve people so I find that to always be awesome. Because there's always a little pain point, which is Being driven as an inspiration and so the podcast really looks at the main intention is to provide parents with an awareness of what anxiety is To educate them on what it might look like and then to help them support their teen in the home Whether it be they're trying to improve their parent child relationship Whether they're trying to help them overcome a certain challenge, it's all to do about how can you recognize anxiety in your teen, and how can you support them so again it comes back to not interfering with their daily functioning.

And then I like to bring on experts like you and people in the same industry or in similar fields, just because at the end of the day, everyone's going to resonate with someone's message differently. And the main goal for parents that I'm sure both you and I are trying to do is just find someone who works with what you're going through and who can really help you navigate that.

Autumn Carter: I love that. And yeah, I'm also a wellness coach I don't know how much of that is because of my past. I think parts of it, but I've always been fascinated with self help and improving myself. And some of my favorite books to read are self help books. I know I'm a nerd. I read other ones. But I do self help and then something just for fun and then self help just for fun.

And I love wellness because there is so much to us that is just pieces that we're working on, where wellness is focusing on all of us in a holistic way. It's like when I was pregnant and I'd go to the doctor and I would ask about something that I had and they would tell me, oh that's unrelated, so we're not going to talk about that right now.

It's like, All of this affects me and what affects me is affecting my fetus. So anyway, that's why I really like talking about wellness. So I feel like that's slightly different. 

Coaching and Personal Growth

Autumn Carter: my going into coaching where coaching was for sure because I needed it and if I was going to be learning it I was going to want to share it So I might as well do both at the same time Which is exactly what I did and it's like how I was telling you I am in the process of creating a course all about how to stop yelling at your children 

And then this morning I'm yelling at that same child I was like, wow, I need to, spend some more time on my own course learning for myself. sometimes you don't know what you need. Sometimes we need that trial right afterwards to remind us. 

Monica Crnogorac: Yeah. And it's good that you have the knowledge and the baseline to recognize that okay, wait a second.

There's something going on here that I need to not only just look at, but also there's work to be done in the best way possible. one of the things that I wanted to ask you more about is, I know you mentioned. Wellness and you looking at it more in a holistic perspective, but I know everyone does define wellness differently So I'm really interested to actually know your perspective on what wellness means to you.

Sure. 

Autumn Carter: So I Learned about wellness in my undergrad I went back to school when my oldest was seven months old and I had three more kids during that time. Every time I say it, I'm like, that actually happened. How did that happen? And I thrived. We all thrived during that time and COVID happened. It just, the stars aligned. I don't know what to tell you, but I learned a lot of things through that process that I am now using and coaching with clients, but what really lit me up was learning about wellness. It originally was the five dimensions of wellness, and it's now turned into eight. And it's this little bubble wheel.

What it means to me is if I am focusing on those things, they are also called areas of self care. When I am focusing on those things, I am doing better. I am showing up better in the world. I'm showing up better for myself, better for my family. I think of this as a wheel, right? And if one of those pieces is missing, it's a flat tire.

I'm not getting too far, too fast. And I've driven on a flat tire. I had finals and it was late at night and I'm driving home and somebody rolled down their window and they're like, you have a flat tire. I was nervous because it's at night on a road that wasn't very well traveled that late at night, and I had no idea.

I realized that the steering wheel was a little crooked, but I figured it was just me because I just finished finals and I'm brain fried. We're like that in life, and there are so many times where we don't realize that something's wrong because we are so stressed out. I had a sinus infection and didn't realize and went to become certified as, scuba certified, I was trying to become scuba certified and I blew out both my eardrums just trying to make it to the bottom of a 12 foot pool. All of this has really taught me, wellness matters. And I, even as a parenting coach, I'm still going to focus on wellness because if we're not taking care of ourselves, we're more likely to yell at our kids.

We're more likely to be disconnected. And it's even harder to realize if your child has anxiety and is showing these symptoms if they're not taking care of themselves. 

Monica Crnogorac: It's a big one that I realize across the board it is, and I've said it many times, but how can you expect to see change in your teen or in your child if you're not taking care of yourself?

Yeah, it's like you can't be giving someone the water that you're not drinking and it's really important like you had said to identify, areas of growth that you can take because at the end of the day, there's always room for improvement. And it's good that you separate them in different domains, because then it makes it really clear like a wheel what's off balance.

 And so your program that you're developing, are you in the midst of creating it? Are you launching it soon? Why don't you tell us a little bit more about that? 

Autumn Carter: I am launching it soon. I am in the middle of segmenting the video because Nobody needs to go through that whole thing in one go. You're not going to get any of the information.

So this is going to be a kind of a precursor to my main program, which is all about learning the different personalities of your children and yourself, your significant other. If you have a significant other, To better speak their language, to better understand their strengths and their weaknesses, because we all have them.

And the nice thing about this program is it is set up in a DISC model. I had a little bit in my degree. And it is a model that I think was originally developed for the workplace. So this is something that you can do and learn for your family and then take in the workplace and extended family.

Once you understand this, you can take this anywhere else and understand how to work with other people. So this model. It's in quadrants, and there is the dominant, the inspiring, the supportive, and the cautious personalities. And in those, some are more social than others. So my oldest, he is crazy amounts of social compared to me.

In order to try and keep up with him, I am exhausted. All the playdates he wants to have, everything else, and that's just one child. I have three more. So it's very nice to understand, and nice in like the Butterfly, rainbows, flowers type of way to really understand your children, because how many of you were understood properly as children and seen?

And how often did that happen? What if you can rewrite the story for yourself and your children? That's what this is about. And what I really like about this is, so you're taking an assessment, and in the assessment we go over the results together, And here you can really compare and contrast them and see, do you have a lot of stress going on? Do you show up differently? With your family than you do when you're in the workplace and when you're by yourself or with your family. And we compare those. And if there is a big difference, I'm asking you what's going on.

And then we're digging. And that's where the actual life coaching certification comes in. I'm using all of those skills to really dive in. And it made a huge difference in my family.

I don't need to have a long list of clients saying that it worked for them because I am the biggest one saying it's working for my family and that is huge because my child was on a wait list for over a year, like a year and a half to be diagnosed to get him the help that he needed.

We are waiting for him to get through therapy and we were somehow able to get it before receiving a diagnosis, which must just be the state allows it. That's not common. I used to do medical billing and coding. That's not common. So it was nice that We're just getting off that wait list when I started this coaching program, but this is what propelled me the most.

We're still, don't have the official diagnosis for him. We have the unofficial without the paperwork diagnosis that we're able to share with the school. And he's just starting Kindergarten. I was able to give the teacher, here's everything we've done, here's how you can understand him, here's how you speak to him, here's his love language, here are the things that we're finding works, doesn't work, here are the puzzle pieces that we're still putting together, and we will have for you very soon.

Not every parent is able to do that. Last year, his preschool teacher, I put him in preschool because I knew he'd need help with kindergarten, she was saying, what works with him? I'm not finding anything that works with him. And what I was able to give her was a really big shoulder shrug. He's my own child and I don't understand him.

That's hard. And I love that I can give everyone hope when I didn't have hope. So this is exactly what you're saying that I became a coach born out of necessity and desperation for one of my children. And I know that you're doing the same with anxiety. It would have been a very different story for you if you had the help you needed.

Monica Crnogorac: But at the same time I always look at it in the positive aspect of that experience has led me here. And even though it was really difficult and challenging, I was able to grow, both as an individual and as a soul to get me here and then to now use what I know to help others. Even though it was difficult, I am very grateful for it.

And again, being able to just support someone and say, I'm going to help you. Like you had said, that's all I need. 

Autumn Carter: I'm grateful, but like this morning, not so much. It's figuring out the kindergarten routine. It's three hours more than he's used to, and it's a different routine, and he is somebody who needs to have routine.

Monica Crnogorac: If his routine is thrown off, he's thrown off, and then he throws off the family, which is what's going on, but it's nice to know that he's doing well while he's in school. I think it's also important to note that we're not gonna know it all.

We're here to experience it for a reason, right? And so I think when we can give ourselves that grace, even as someone who specializes in anxiety, I still have moments of fear. I still have moments when I'm anxious. I'm just way more equipped to be able to call it out. And way more equipped with the tools and resources to utilize to help me acknowledge and mitigate those stressors.

Versus in the past when I would fall into victim mode, attach myself to thoughts, believe my thoughts to be true, and then all of a sudden I'd be like, how did I get in this rabbit hole? 

Yeah, I spiraled downhill as I was thinking Yeah, so it's one of those things where no matter what you specialize in, you're still going to have those moments you're human.

They're not all going to be at the top of a mountain, but it's being able to appreciate every phase that you're in, knowing that in the grand scheme of things, you're still growing, even if it doesn't feel like it in that low. And it's a lot easier said than done. Like I say this now and then in the moment when I'm in a low, I'm like, everything's so hard, but I think that's just a humanness in us.

Autumn Carter: And what I like about coaching is we don't have to have all the answers. Yes, this program, I'm giving you specifics, but when we are doing the one on one coaching every week in between the modules, what I'm giving you are the tools and the open space for you to explore. And I'm using my coaching tools.

I don't have to have the answers because you have them. I'm giving you the opportunity to dig and find them yourself. I don't have to pretend I'm God when I'm not. 

Monica Crnogorac: It's bringing the blind spots to light. And even the same thing with coaching is it feels, very individualized.

Even though you're dealing with a certain avatar, you're dealing with parents who typically are going through X, Y, and Z. Parent one and parent two may be completely different in the questions you ask in a coaching call or in the exercises that you give them in a program it's not always one shoe fits all, which is the beauty of coaching and when someone's signing up for that one on one, it's really tailoring it to make sure that you're meeting their needs and ensuring they receive the support that they're looking for.

Autumn Carter: And for some people, so I have some. Programs that are on demand, which I do offer a variation of this one that is on demand. It is cheaper. It's really helpful for those that are time bound. They need the help sooner. They just want to go through it faster. But for those that are really struggling, really having a hard time, that's where the one on one coaching comes in as well, where you can have that time with me where we can really.

Pick apart things and how did you try it on something new last week? How did that work? What do you want to try differently? What do you want to do more of tell me about how you're doing? How are you taking care of yourself? I am going to ask you about yourself and then I'm gonna be asking you about your children because We need to make sure like you said we're filling up our cup Yeah, it's really hard to pour from an empty cup when you do it's like taking out a loan against your future self And eventually you're going to fall apart and it takes a lot longer to put back together.

When you have fallen apart. I am the type where I'm go, and I'll burn out unless I'm paying attention. And I've learned that so well and so many times that I'm really good at telling when the needle's starting to go low. So I don't get there. But when I do burn out, it takes me longer to put myself back together.

And I want to prevent. You from doing that and it sounds like you also talked about self care and we've talked about this several times So tell me about how all of this fits into you have an eight week program. 

Teen Coaching Program

Monica Crnogorac: I do, that's a fun one. So my eight week program, currently is called Awakening You, and so what it's really, tailored to is similar to what you touched on, is really helping the teen elicit their own solutions and guide them in that process.

I meet with them once a week for an hour. They have up until an hour on a Zoom call like this, where they have access to me. it's a very goal oriented conversation. I like to figure out in the beginning, what are you going through? I take them through a wheel of life to again, similar to that, that you have in the background is how do you rank each of these domains in your life?

And let's say, for example, if they're ranking the lowest one, let's say a four out of 10. What does a five look like? What would it take to get to a six? And so we really figure out, okay, now that you have your Wheel of Life, what's not balanced? And what's your main primary focus or what's the overarching goal that you want to achieve.

And then throughout those eight weeks, there'll be mini goals per week, but then there'll be the one overarching. For example, I want to learn, strategies to help me, Apply in moments of anxiety and they could be different strategies that are more on the spot They're quick little tips that you can overcome your anxiety short term And then there'll be deep dive exercises that really help uncover the root And the exercises that I bring up or I implement again depends on what the individual is going through Whether they're working on a block and they need to focus on resistance and how does resistance look like for them?

Whether they need to break down an emotion or a belief system to figure out. Okay, what's the fear behind this? And so those eight weeks are really tailored to just provide them with as much knowledge around first what anxiety is so they can really understand their triggers and what's going on for them.

And I find that when they can understand their triggers, it normalizes it for them, and it helps them manage it when it does come on. we're not going to avoid it. It's going to come. It's just how are we going to deal with it when we do get triggered? How are we going to teach them to respond versus react?

I love that. once that session is done, I find what's really helpful is they get an email summary because oftentimes and I know when we're in a session, there's a lot of information going on and I don't want the client to have to be writing paper and pen.

So I take the notes out and then I write a summarized email that says here's what we talked about, here are the key takeaways, if you have any questions, here's your goal for this week, here's that one small task that I want you to do, just to hold them accountable, and then throughout the week, they'll have access to me on WhatsApp, in case they have a question about an exercise that I assign them to They will still have contact with me and I always like to stay within boundary I might not respond to you at midnight but I will respond to you when I have a chance to And then for parents I provide parents with a four week progress update and an eight week So the end of the program And anything that I do since the parent, I first get approval from the teen.

So it's one way obviously to, protect confidentiality, to respect the teen, and to respect the relationship that I do have with the teen. And it's a draft email that says, Hey, parent A, Hey, parent B, here's the progress of your teen. And it will outline everything that we talked about. But again, that team will get that approval.

 So that's the main scope of the program. And then there are some teams who I find everyone's different. They show up to a session and they just like projectile vomit everything that they're going through. Because it's just like they want that space to feel heard and seen, and they see relief in talking about it and being in a safe and non judgmental space.

And then you'll have other teens who are a bit harder to open up, which is totally normal as well. It takes time to build that trust in that relationship. Whereas that's when they'll want more of a lesson plan. So like a guidance where they're still being asked questions, but they're also being taught certain things.

And so that's what I mean by it's individualized. There's a main program and main exercises that I implement, but how I implement them and when I implement them is dependent on the teen and when they need it. 

Autumn Carter: Ooh, I love that. when I do wellness coaching and one on one coaching, I pull this out, but it's actually broken down, like you said, on a scale.

So you're giving that assessment. Why is it this number? What do you want it to look like? What do you think you need to do to get there? And then from there we start breaking down SMART goals. So I thought that was interesting. That is very similar with that. 

Monica Crnogorac: Thank you. And oftentimes teens actually haven't really asked themselves these difficult questions before.

It's different when we get older. And like you said, we're reading all the self help books and we're challenging ourselves to ask the questions. But when you start asking a teen who's just starting that journey, a lot of the times you're hearing, I don't know. So it's great to have those exercises, to probe them or to elicit those Answers that are within them.

It just might take a little bit of time. 

Autumn Carter: And I think it's great, because I've done this so many times, and there's times where I feel like things aren't quite working well, and I'll do this on myself. Oh, okay, this is where I need to work on. And I'm sure it's yours, where this one is a bit of a Venn diagram, where these areas overlap.

And if you're working on one area, it raises others, if you're neglecting one area, it neglects others, or lowers them. It's really, important and we don't do it often enough where We are taking that time to check in with ourselves. So I love that you're talking to that.

So let's see, let's get personal. You're engaged. Tell us a bit about this part. Don't think of it as a person. 

Monica Crnogorac: Yeah, I got engaged on the day that I moved in, which is really, exciting. 

Moving In and Getting Engaged

Monica Crnogorac: So we moved in almost a year ago. I remember getting all of our stuff coming up and I was in the car getting the last of my things and I come back upstairs and I have like literally the entire world in my hands.

I have like my laptop, my cell phone, my Starbucks cup, my charger. And I just opened the door and My boyfriend at the time just sat on one knee. And that was really fun. 

Wedding Planning and Letting Go of Control

Monica Crnogorac: and we're currently in the midst of wedding planning. We get married next August. It's a busy season, but I'm so grateful for it because, things always line up as In divine timing.

It's just, I have a type of person that always likes control. And so letting go of control and surrendering. So universe's plan has been something that's been difficult, but so rewarding for me. So I am so excited for that. And just being on our own space has really allowed me to solidify me as a person and my business as a coach, I have a great family relationship and I had a great family structure.

But it's so different when you have your own space to create on your own timeline and your own routine. And so moving in and getting engaged and being in that next phase of my life has really made me grateful for it and excited just to continue being in this space. 

Autumn Carter: That makes sense. 

Monica Crnogorac: I can't believe I'm saying that we've almost been here a year. It feels like we just moved in yesterday. 

Autumn Carter: With everything else going on, it makes sense. 

Life with Charlie the Dog

Autumn Carter: And then, didn't you get your dog around that time too? 

Monica Crnogorac: Thank you. My dog's name is Charlie's and mini golden doodle. He's like my child. I absolutely adore him we got him four years ago. So he just turned four this past August I love dogs. I love traveling. That's something that I want to take up more of.

Working out, being outdoors, anything like summer, hot weather, and there. 

Autumn Carter: See, I like my season. Autumn is a perfect time of year, and spring, I like those for hiking and spending more time outside. 

Embracing Wellness Practices

Autumn Carter: The weather's starting to cool off here in Maryland, and I am going on all the walks I can, bringing friends along, and we're having a chance to have a discussion.

So this is how this works in real life. I'm getting the physical, I'm getting nature in, which is spiritual wellness for me. It incorporates, yes, I'm religious, but there's also the spiritual aspect with being in nature. I am doing the social, and the emotional. So I'm having that emotional connection with them and we're talking about what's going on in our lives and everything else.

Monica Crnogorac: So this real life, just spending time focusing on the things that we are preaching. Absolutely. And I was going to ask you, so you did mention a couple of wellness practices that you engage in. what are some things that you can even suggest parents to do in order to help them show up for their teens or even their family better?

Morning Routine Tips for Parents

Autumn Carter: Oh, I should grab the book out. I won't. It's but I'll tell you about it. It's called Miracle Morning and I've been doing I'm looking at my journal over here and it's halfway filled out, so I've been doing it for a month and I added extra parts to it. 

Miracle Morning, it is a book, the revised edition is yellow on the front and it shows like a sun rising. So you are waking up before your children and you decide how much time that is For me. I now have my daughter waking up early with me 'cause she's a little bit of a turtle in the morning.

Kind of like me. She's my mini person. . We're not morning people. We fake it. I fake it better than her 'cause I have kids and have to, but anyway. So I'm waking up an hour before my children, at least, and I am taking the time to do my SAVERS, is what he calls them. S A V E R S So it is silence, so meditation.

He made it into an acronym, so it's a little funny. Silence, affirmations, visualization, exercise, reading, and scribing, so journaling. And then my three that I added in to personalize it to me is piano. I am a beginner piano player. We have the piano teacher come every week. That is something I always wanted to do.

And it was my, yay. I graduated college that I gifted myself as piano lessons. My oldest was already taking them and my husband too. So I just added myself in. So piano, Duolingo for Spanish. And I also do scripture study because, like I said, I am religious. So those are the things that I try to get done every morning.

And it does bleed into a little bit of when my kids are awake, but they should be getting their morning routine done as well. Do things for you. Do them in the morning, because if you can't get them done in enough time, it bleeds into the rest of your day. You're not staying up later because you didn't get them done.

And then you're not crabbing in the morning because you didn't get enough sleep. So really make sure you're bookending your day, and focus. Put a lot of your focus on your morning routine because then it bleeds into everything else. Pack your lunch for the next day if you are working outside of the home. Pick out your clothes for the next day, just the same as you try to encourage your kids to do. Do the things that can make your morning better. So you're planning your morning for the rest of your day, you're planning your evening for your morning, if that makes sense.

So really, practice what you preach, just the same as we're talking about how we need to do that as coaches, do that as a parent. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself so you can show up for your family, because you are leading by example. How many of your parents are nagging on you that you're not taking care of yourself and give you those come to Jesus talks?

It's because they know how important it is. You want to be showing them now by showing up as the best version of yourself to be the best parent that you can be, to be the best employee that you can be, to be the best.

So focus on you. spend some time each day that you are focusing on your development and the things that feed you so that you can feed your children in all aspects of that word.

Monica Crnogorac: That does make sense because at the end of the day, like you said, everything is intertwined. And if you're running on low, then how you shop for your kids will be the same way. And the two biggest things that I'm hearing from what you had said is helping parents figure out what their non negotiable is.

So setting up that morning routine, whether it includes all those aspects of savers. Or if it's little pieces that they can attend to and they're things that your mind doesn't get in the way of or stop you from doing and then at the end of the day, it's also setting yourself up for success just to make that transition into the next day easier.

The Importance of Exercise

Autumn Carter: And what I've noticed is that a lot of people struggle the most with the physical part, the exercise, What is the difference for you, mentally, emotionally, when you're exercising compared to when you're not? 

Monica Crnogorac: Oh, that's a great question. Night and Day. similar to what you had mentioned, I'm someone who likes to get up and go to the gym.

Get it out of the way just because that energy and that dopamine that I get from it sets me up for success. And I find for me personally, if I don't wake up in the morning, then my mind has a bigger impact on me not going, talks me out of it, oh, I'm too full, I'm too tired, it's okay, I'll go tomorrow.

So I make that a Non-negotiable. Hey, you're going in the morning and you don't have time to think. You set up your alarm, you get up, you go, you come back, you walk Charlie, and then you dive into your day. That way, I'm attended to, he, who's my child right now, is also attended to in an animal way.

And then I can then show up for my coaching. work because then I'm in a good place energetically. I've gotten my physical exercise out and usually when I'm on a walk with him is when I'll listen to a podcast or I'll listen to music just to hype me up or a motivational Guide meditation walk just to get me into that headspace.

But again, I can't stress it enough It's something that I also stress for teens as well Find some it doesn't have to be Boring, you don't want that exercise piece or any of those things to feel like a drag You want to ask yourself? What am I interested in and how can I tailor my morning or my time of day towards that?

maybe for your kid exercise is playing soccer on the field with their friends Maybe it's swimming if that's what they really enjoy or dance, but it's not forcing them to exercise. It's just encouraging them to find what works for them and what they like. That way they're way more likely to do it because you're setting them up for success by giving them the avenue to do something that they love 

Autumn Carter: I enjoy exercise. And it works better when I put it in the morning. And then if I exercise outside of that's like my bonus. And I really enjoy going for walks and exploring all the areas around us. I enjoy, like I said, hiking. So that is a natural way of exercising while enjoying other things. So I love that you definitely spoke to that.

I didn't grow up with that. I grew up in Arizona where winter is pretty non existent in comparison and we built a indoor gym in our basement for our kids so that they could play. And I had somebody on as a podcast guest and after we were done recording, we were just chitchatting and she was talking about the power of play and how as adults we lose that.

I was listening to or reading something. Where they were talking about how children will pretend to be grownups and when they do, they get the straight face. There's no playfulness there anymore. Where when we bring playfulness to things in our life, it makes it a lot easier to do the dreaded tasks.

So if it's working out like you said, make sure it's fun things. Or if you know that you need to be doing something you don't want to do, give yourself some kind of reward at the end. Love that. That's also why it's, recommended to do the top two biggest tasks that you want to have done in the day first thing in the morning, so they're out of the way.

And then everything else is gravy after that 

Monica Crnogorac: for sure. And I think to your point, a lot of, adults lose that, inner child. And we don't tap into it as often or life just gets so serious that we forget how to have fun which emphasizes the importance of doing it more Just because to loosen up a little bit to not always be so stiff and not always think that everything has to be so You know Organize is fun.

Just let go and enjoy life. Be a kid. And in moments where a parent is having difficulty, it almost sounds ask yourself what your younger self would do. And I wanted to even ask you with you working with parents. There are a range of challenges that they encounter, but what do you find to be Most common across the board. 

Connecting with Your Child

Autumn Carter: They are not connecting with their child the way that they want to. They're just not understanding, fully listening to each other. And when you dive in, they were also raised the same way. They also have the exact same pains of not feeling heard, feeling seen. So it's just perpetuating that cycle.

Monica Crnogorac: And breaking it. 

Autumn Carter: Yeah, it's a painful cycle. And it can be hard to break, but realize that there are people here to help. 

The Parenting Blueprint Course

Autumn Carter: And this course, it's called The Parenting Blueprint. It's eight weeks, so it's not a long process. You can start making those changes very quickly and see results very quickly, which for me, if I'm not seeing results quickly, it's pretty demotivating.

This one you will see results right away, which I love. I did, as soon as I did even just the assessments, I was able to understand my children better and start to see just them being understood, me understanding them. Me understanding myself, me understanding my spouse, made a huge difference.

And then it was diving into each of those four quadrants of the personality, and what are the strengths and weaknesses, how can I best support them, and even reading about my own was just enlightening of, oh, That's how I can better help myself. Oh yeah, those are my weaknesses. Oh, that's interesting, like just having that moment to really understand myself on a deeper level was amazing.

Monica Crnogorac: And it's one of those aha moments, right? And a lot of it, what I like that you touched on, comes from how you were raised too. Often I remember reading a book about anxiety and it was saying, Is your parent a chronic warrior? And it was like, Oh, so you don't see how, unconsciously, you have picked up on certain behaviors and habits that I've just been so ingrained and reinforced not knowingly.

And so when you build this awareness, you have to peel back those layers. And oftentimes parents do ask, how quickly will my team see results? And I like to say, as quickly as you integrate the work, because in the beginning, when you're having all those aha moments, because your awareness is just expanding, that is beautiful to witness, it is your foundation.

What's really going to build on that foundation is what are you doing outside of the sessions? How often are you applying the strategies, the tools and resources that we talk about? when you're trying to break a habit or start something new, you almost have to integrate it that much more because your brain wants to default back into its old programming and you're going like, no, I'm trying to go this way.

And so you have to pull this way a bit more. Until it becomes solidified, and then you'll find that new way is just your mindset, your living moving forward. 

Autumn Carter: Yeah, making those new brain pathways, thinking of the little noodles. Exactly. That's what it looks like to me anyway. 

Overcoming Failure and Resilience

Autumn Carter: But there is something about what really makes the biggest difference is failing. And it's quote unquote failing, where you are falling off the horse, are you getting back on, or are you quitting? Because quitting is the real failure here. But when you are, that is really what's making those pathways go deeper, and making it become that habit of this is the way it needs to be, is by you falling down.

So let's take this yelling horse that's right over here on my other screen that I'm still putting together. It is me. Yelling at my child this morning, but what matters is how am I repairing and how am I preventing it in the future? That is what really matters is. The trial that is going to come up right after you have that coaching session, because it's going to happen just as you're talking about, how are you implementing those changes with that trial and that trial is going to keep happening maybe in different versions until you do learn that lesson, because that is for you, that is a gift to you.

I know it's weird to think of a trial as a gift, but it is for you to overcome and do better. And the biggest thing is then to turn around and help the person behind you, which is where coaches are born. 

Monica Crnogorac: And I like that how you touched on the failing aspect, because the episode that I just released was how to actually create a failure is okay environment at home.

your failure is something like anxiety that you're going to encounter. But how do you deal with it? Do you fall into victim? Do you feel defeated and helpless? Or how quickly are you to be resilient and to bounce back from that adversity? If as, A parent. Your child is watching you fail and you're falling into victim or you're, doing things that might not be the healthiest way of coping with it, then they're going to think that's normal because you're their biggest role model, which again highlights the importance of modeling those healthy behaviors.

That way we push kids into adopting those adaptive coping mechanisms versus the maladaptive ones. And then it's about how about we actually set up a weekly dinner talk where we talk about something that we failed about this week. It doesn't have to be a massive failure, but it could be, hey, I tried putting an episode and it got lost.

And that really made me feel this way. And this is what I did. to deal with it and it's also about sharing with them stories how other people have failed just to normalize it. J. K. Rowling, she got her, manuscript rejected 12 times. Yeah, before the 13th one was accepted. Look how successful she became, right? And so it's just about knowing that anybody who's been successful has failed way more times. And what makes you successful is the persistence to get back up and say, listen, okay, this was a learning experience, but I'm not letting it stop me from getting where I want to go.

Coaching for Parents and Teens

Autumn Carter: So I'm sure parents are going to be wondering this because you are speaking also to parents. When are you rolling out the program that is for parents and teens where they're separate, but they're still learning? 

Monica Crnogorac: Are you planting a seed here? I have seen lots of programs that do either intertwine both of them or just focus on parents.

I haven't crossed that bridge yet. I think because I'm in the beginning phases of my coaching business, my podcasting world, I wanted to master this first program and really, tailor it to just increase all those success rates and to make it as polished and best as it could be.

And then I think from there I could see myself then expanding to do something with parents as well. 

Autumn Carter: So you are open to it if a parent is desperate and they want it along with their child. 

Monica Crnogorac: Yes, oftentimes I have heard do you, coach parents as well? And for sure I will, because at the end of the day, yes, my specialty is working with teens, but my ideal client is somebody who is ready to show up and to do the work, who is ready to be accountable, whether that is somebody who's also a young adult and maybe isn't a teen, but is in university and is having difficulty there, or it's a parent who's with that connection with their teen.

I am more than happy to show up and to help them through that. 

Autumn Carter: I love it. And really, as much as we say we are focusing on only this type of person, if somebody else shows up at our door and needs our help, we are not, we're not saying go somewhere else. We will help them. I originally started out helping out moms.

Still very precious to me, but now I am opening up to having it be people who want to work on wellness and or parenting. Because I've worked with several people who aren't parents. I've worked with people who are men. So it doesn't really fit my ideal client, but my ideal client, like you said, is just like you.

Somebody who is ready to do the work. Because I've talked to many people who are a hot mess. But they're not ready yet. I can't help them if they're not ready. And I have people, family members, who are like that and I can't help you if you're not ready. I can just be a listening ear, but if you're not ready for the tools that I'm going to give you, you're not going to know what to do with them.

they're going to slow you down if you're not ready yet. 

Monica Crnogorac: I'd 

Autumn Carter: love that. 

Monica Crnogorac: Going to be met with so much more resistance, like there, the chances of success are that much harder because they're not as open to it in comparison to someone who's I am so sick and tired of feeling this way. I just want to do anything I can to overcome it.

There is a completely different, projection in terms of their growth rate. 

Autumn Carter: Yes, for sure. 

How to Connect with Us

Autumn Carter: So tell us how we can get into your world. Of course, this will be in the description, but let's end on that note, because I did go a little over when we normally do, but this is because of the conversation.

So thank you and you're welcome, and then tell us how to get into your world. 

Monica Crnogorac: Yeah, so my podcast, which is episode will also be on parenting. Anxious teens is a great way to learn more about me, my approach, what I really focus on and, how to raise your awareness around what anxiety might look like for your teen.

If you're interested in taking that next step or booking a discovery call with me to figure out whether the program is a good fit for your teen, conscious coach. biz and the work with me tab will have all that information. It will have my email, a contact form, which you'll be able to fill out and I'll respond to you fairly quickly.

And if you're just trying to tag along, Instagram is also a great place, which we'll put in the show description notes. Just to follow along if you feel like you're not quite ready yet, but you're also interested. I think the podcasting is the number one way where you can really connect and get to know the person on a personal level versus social media.

So podcast number one, Parenting Anxious Teens website or Instagram is where you can find me and I want you to do the same for my listeners who are tuning in, Autumn, on where they can find you and how they can connect with you. 

Autumn Carter: Sure, and thank you. And before I start talking about myself, I have listened to her podcast and I don't have an anxious teen.

My oldest is nine and a half and I still Found it very valuable. And what I liked is that you were sharing a lot of your experiences and your coaching experiences as well, so that I could bring it home, especially because I don't have teenagers yet. I know one day they will be, I dread that day.

To be honest, I'm excitedly dread it. 

Monica Crnogorac: yourself. 

Autumn Carter: There we go. And then for me, I have a lot of mini offers to big offers. They're all over the place because I know that we have different needs and we have different price points. 

So I have many varieties for many varieties of people. And that is that wellness and every season. com is my website. And the best place to get in my world is actually through my newsletter and I, in the show notes, there is a freebie for parents. That you can find, which will guide you through how to better speak to your child, depending on their personality type, And you can also listen to my podcast wellness in every season. You can find that on my website as well. I am on Instagram, but not, I'm sharing newsletter bundles there and podcast clips. you're not really getting me as much as you are through my podcast and newsletter. 

Monica Crnogorac: agree. Those are primary.

And I offer tips and tricks and guides and I will give you discounts on programs in there. I'll give you a little more of what's going on in my world. I ask questions so you can hit reply very easily and ask me questions.

Autumn Carter: There are polls on which next program do you want. the yelling one is actually because of a poll that I did. The next one that I have, I need to do right after this one is overcoming failure. So you're already getting advice for that nuggets.

Yep, for sure. Thank you so much for joining me on this conversation for everybody who's listening and to Monica, thank you for taking this time and for letting me hit record after we already had some of this conversation. So thank you. No problem. 

Monica Crnogorac: been an absolute pleasure and I'm so excited for people to tune in and to really get the good information from both you and I and what we shared today. 

Shoutout and Conclusion

Autumn Carter: And a quick shout out to Brenna Potter. She is the one who connected both of us. We're both friends with her. And she actually lives like 45 minutes from my house.

We've met up in real life, which was exciting. she is a coach who works with College age and more like the early 20s to late 20s where you're transitioning, you're trying to set boundaries in the workplace and trying to really figure out that balance between your life and the work life balance Because it, she had such a hard time figuring that out and she was working in HR, which has the highest rate of burnout. But it led her to coaching and she is a very valuable resource if maybe you're not in the parent phase or you're not in the teen anxiety phase but you are struggling with this phase of life that comes right after teenagehood.

She's your person and so I wanted to give her a quick shout out for connecting us and making this all possible. 

Monica Crnogorac: I agree. 

Autumn Carter: All right. Bye everybody. 

Remember to take time to heal, relax, and be present. Next week, we will be talking about complimenting ourselves. So please join us then. Thanks for tuning into this week's episode.

I am your host Autumn Carter, a certified life coach dedicated to empowering individuals to rediscover their identity, Find balance amidst chaos, strengthen relationships, and pursue their dreams. My goal is to help people thrive in every aspect of their lives. I hope today's discussion inspired you and offered valuable insights.

 You can work one on one with me or on demand through one of my programs by visiting wellnessineveryseason. com 

stay engaged in our wellness community by signing up for my newsletter at wellnessineveryseason. com slash free dash resources. When you join you'll have the option to receive a five day guide called awaken and unwind Five days to mastering your mornings and evenings along with free guides special offers on my programs Practical tips personal stories and much more so sign up and share it with others I put a lot into it and that's where you will find me showing up the most don't miss these valuable resources designed to help you thrive in every area of wellness and every season of life. Join today and start your journey to wellness in every season.

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One last thing to cover the show legally. I am a certified life coach and a certified parenting coach giving general advice. I have a bachelor's in applied health.

So I use that for the wellness aspect. So think of this more like a self help book. this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes. I am not a licensed therapist, so this podcast shouldn't be taken as a replacement for professional guidance from a doctor or therapist. Because I don't know you personally, I'm not offering you personal advice.

This is very general. If you want personal one on one coaching, go to my website, wellnessineveryseason. com. That's where you can get personalized coaching from me for you. I will see you in next week's episode. Bye.