Wellness In Every Season

Episode 150: Eating Disorders

• Autumn Carter/ Geoff Walker • Season 1 • Episode 150

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In this powerful episode, Autumn Carter sits down with retired US Navy Master Chief Geoff Walker, who courageously opens up about his journey through bulimia and recovery. After serving over two decades in the Navy and achieving one of its most respected positions, Geoff found himself facing an unexpected and deeply personal battle—an eating disorder that thrived in silence beneath the military’s culture of perfection, performance, and control. His story shines a light on the often-overlooked reality of eating disorders among men and within the armed forces, where strict body standards and relentless pressure can quietly fuel disordered behaviors.


Through honesty and vulnerability, Geoff reveals how his drive for excellence intertwined with self-criticism until he sought help, entering treatment and beginning a life-changing path toward healing. He shares what recovery has taught him about empathy, identity, and self-worth, and how he now finds fulfillment in being a husband, father, artist, and advocate for others still struggling. This conversation is not only a testament to resilience but also a reminder that recovery is possible—and that no one has to face it alone.


Listeners can learn more about the nonprofit Geoff supports, Sea Waves, which provides advocacy and resources for military members and veterans navigating eating disorders, at https://sea-waves.org/.

For more wellness tips and exclusive content, join my newsletter! Sign up now at https://wellness-in-every-season.kit.com/5-days-to-mastering-mornings-and-evenings receive a free 5-day guide called "Awaken and Unwind: 5 Days to Mastering Life's Mornings and Evenings."

Episode 150: Eating Disorders

[00:00:00] Introduction to Episode 150: Discussing Eating Disorders

[00:00:02] Autumn Carter: ​This is episode one 50, and today we are going to be talking about eating disorders.

[00:00:09] Welcome to Wellness In Every Season, the podcast where we explore the rich tapestry of wellness in all of its forms. I'm your host, autumn Carter, a certified life coach, turn wellness coach, as well as a certified parenting coach dedicated to empowering others to rediscover their identity in their current season of life.

[00:00:28] My goal is to help you thrive, both as an individual and as a parent.

[00:00:32] Today I have with me a friend of mine, Geoff Walker. He is a retired Navy veteran and he has walked some of this journey and I am so grateful, Geoff , that you are here with us because I know that this journey has been difficult.

[00:00:50] It's been a winding road for you, and I love what you said right before I hit record, that it made the biggest difference for you to realize that you [00:01:00] are not alone in this and that is the reason why you are here to share with us. So thank you so much for being on. 

[00:01:09] Geoff Walker: Yeah. Happy to be here. 

[00:01:11] Autumn Carter: Where would you like to start with this?

[00:01:13] Geoff Walker: Oh man. 

[00:01:17] Geoff Walker's Military Background and Struggle with Bulimia

[00:01:42] Geoff Walker: I retired from the, military, from the Navy specifically in 2021. Ultimately the thing that led to me retiring, walking away a little bit earlier than I initially wanted to was my struggle with an eating disorder specifically bulimia nervosa. I developed that over the course of my 21 years in the Navy.

[00:01:44] And the Navy helped me to start my journey for recovery for that, and I'm grateful for that. But there's definitely a correlation between I think, eating disorders and the military environment that [00:02:00] I think a lot of people probably struggle with and they probably struggle with it in silence.

[00:02:04] So that's one of the things that I like talking about with people and like informing people and educating folks on how the military can be triggering and generate eating disorders in people. 

[00:02:17] Autumn Carter: I know when I first met your wife, so I became friends with him through his wife.

[00:02:21] She's amazing. So are you, but I met her first and she told me that you retired due to mental health. I had no idea it was because of this. That's hard. 

[00:02:33] Geoff Walker: Yeah. 

[00:02:36] Challenges of Eating Disorders in the Military

[00:02:36] Geoff Walker: One of the things that makes eating disorders really challenging to deal with is that there's often a lot of positive things that come along with it.

[00:02:48] A lot of people that are in a disorder, recovery, describe it as being in an abusive relationship with yourself. And just any abusive relationship. [00:03:00] Ending that relationship can be very difficult because there's things that are positive about that relationship that make it hard to go away and hard to step away from.

[00:03:13] For instance there's a lot of comorbidity with anxiety that goes along with eating disorders. Also a lot of people that struggle with eating disorders are high performing individuals because they're very self-critical driven, overachieving they're usually their own worst enemy when it comes to self-criticism and trying to achieve perfection.

[00:03:38] A lot of those characteristics that I had through my eating disorder and that self-hatred that is generated through that a lot of success at work. I was very high performing. The last role that I had inside of the, Navy was what's known as the chief of the boat, which is the senior enlisted person on a nuclear submarine.[00:04:00] 

[00:04:00] You're like the right hand man to the captain. It's one of the highest things you can do inside of the military it's the highest rank you can get and it's one of the highest responsibilities you can have where you're effectively responsible for the everyday operations and the wellbeing of 155 sailors on a nuclear submarine.

[00:04:22] Those characteristics that went along with the eating disorder. And I don't like to give too much credit to my eating disorder like I was still high performing before that, but I think that kind of constant desire for perfection and like the physical side of things, naturally translated over to perfection and my professional identity as well, which made me very high performing and very good at my job.

[00:04:47] So that was, one of the things that kind of made it hard to walk away from and hard to give up that relationship and even enter into recovery. So amongst many other things that we can, go into. 

[00:04:56] Personal Experiences and Coping Mechanisms

[00:04:56] Autumn Carter: Something I've never talked about your wife doesn't even know [00:05:00] this.

[00:05:00] When I was in high school, I started cutting myself. Okay. And for me that was, I didn't do it for very long and I actually used a steak knife. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I just needed a release. And I wonder if that was the same. Idea going through your mind? Can you unpack that part for us of 

[00:05:23] Geoff Walker: Yeah, sure.

[00:05:23] Autumn Carter: Going through your mind, how was this helping release things or control things? Because it sounds like there was control with it. 

[00:05:30] Geoff Walker: Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. It, boils down to control. Most eating disorders do, where it's definitely, I think also with, particularly with bulimia, there's a physiological sort of release that goes along with it.

[00:05:44] There's a high that comes along with a binge and purge which sort of feeds into that addictive nature of it. Yeah, absolutely. It was a release. And it was a thing that I could control not only just like [00:06:00] controlling my weight, for reasons and that I, can, get into that if you want as far as like the genesis of it.

[00:06:08] I was never, I. Overweight, really as a child or anything like that. This isn't something that stemmed from childhood trauma or anything like that. 

[00:06:18] Military Standards and Their Impact on Mental Health

[00:06:18] Geoff Walker: It was pretty much exclusively because the, military has a very high body standards, body composition standards. Can you explain 

[00:06:28] Autumn Carter: I know from friends. Sure, 

[00:06:29] Geoff Walker: yeah, sure. So you have semi-annual physical readiness tests, and 

[00:06:33] Autumn Carter: you have them make weight. 

[00:06:35] Geoff Walker: So the physical readiness test this is one of the things that, that really leads into like why other people in the military struggle with this.

[00:06:44] So you have the physical readiness test, right? And, the navy, that's a mile and a half run. It used to be pushups, I think it's a plank now, or it's still pushups, but the, they got rid of crunches and they made it a, plank. Just another, a different core workout. But it doesn't matter [00:07:00] how well you do on any of those things if you don't make weight.

[00:07:03] It still counts as a failure if you fail to make weight. So it's very prejudicial against people that are skinny fat, if that makes sense. Or people that are like lift weights that don't meet the Victorian body standards, that a body composition assessment the way that they do it.

[00:07:25] So the second part of it is the body composition assessment. And that is where they just basically take a measuring tape and they go around your neck and they take a measuring tape and they go around your waist. For women, they do the hips as well, but for men it's just the waist in the neck.

[00:07:41] And basically that gives a figure that's on a little chart, a table, and that table, they use that to ascertain what your body fat percentage is. It's not accurate. It's been proven scientifically to not be accurate, but it's convenient. But those numbers definitely feed into like the, eating [00:08:00] disorder mindset.

[00:08:01] Where you become obsessed over the numbers. Like I knew because I was 72 inches tall. I, had to have a difference between my neck and my gut. A difference it, at 72 inches, it basically equates to a one to however many inches there are. So say if I had a 17 inch neck and a 39 inch waist, that'd be a 22% body fat and 22% body fat was like the cutoff where it's if you fail or not grad, there was a little bit of a gradual they allowed you to go up to 24% based on age 23 and 24%.

[00:08:35] As you got older, I guess they expect you to not be in quite as peak physical shape. But if you didn't pass that circumference check it doesn't matter how well you did on the run the pushups or the setups, you would fail the physical readiness test.

[00:08:54] Autumn Carter: What happens if you fail? 

[00:08:56] Geoff Walker: It's a to use a phrase that's [00:09:00] probably a little bit morbid. It's a career bullet in the head. You are ineligible for advancement. And especially if you're in any sort of leadership position if you're they refer to it as like E seven and above in the military.

[00:09:12] E seven and above, or if you're in officer it's basically you're gonna get looked over for promotion. It resets like your counter for making chief Petty officer in the Navy to like a five year counter that would get reset. You have to have five years of passing for them to look at your package, everything that you've done in your career.

[00:09:32] And if you have that failure on there, it's just basically you're done. Take you out to pasture. 

[00:09:36] Autumn Carter: No. Grace, period. 

[00:09:41] Geoff Walker: No. Like I could tell you that as a chief of the vote, if I would've failed one, I would've probably been taken out of my position. Because you can't be expected to be in charge of the physical readiness program, which you are.

[00:09:53] As the cob making sure that PT is done every day or the necessary times that you find [00:10:00] time to do it in the day. If you're overweight and you're sitting there trying to wag your finger and tell everybody else what to do, that doesn't fly in the military.

[00:10:07] That's gonna be labeled as hypocrisy. And you're gonna lose every battle that you're trying to fight. From a leadership perspective, they're gonna equate that to everything. It's gonna be, oh, the cob is a hypocrite the cob can't even make the standard himself.

[00:10:19] How the hell is he expecting us to do? It's just, it's this cycle of things. So probably wouldn't have been in my position if I would've failed one at any point. 

[00:10:29] Autumn Carter: And do you feel like you're given, it's like in school where you're given a very short amount of time to eat and you eat whatever you can.

[00:10:39] Did that. Negatively affect you at all. 

[00:10:43] Geoff Walker: It does not only that, but it's just like the overall quality of food that like you have access to on a submarine. You get fresh food for the first week of a underway and then you run outta fresh food. You run outta eggs and then you're on canned food and frozen food for however many weeks [00:11:00] or months that you're underway.

[00:11:01] And it's a diet that's heavy in sodium. There's limited workout equipment. It's, tough. Now, granted, we still make, do, and there's lots of people out there that do it, but and I don't want this to come across like I did things the wrong way.

[00:11:11] Like I also did things the right way. But unfortunately, a lot of the times with eating disorders, both bulimia and anorexia, the other thing that goes along with that is excess working out. Some people struggle with bulimia in particular with men that the exercise eating disorder is worse than the purging aspect of.

[00:11:28] I can tell you it was a mixture of both for me. I could run far, I was running half marathons and five, six miles a day. On top of the eating disorder. So I think I just naturally have a body that just wants to be a certain weight.

[00:11:45] And that's, natural and healthy for me 

[00:11:48] Autumn Carter: my body. I think that's 

[00:11:48] Geoff Walker: a, I think that's a challenge too with when you talk about there's a big movement within eating disorder, recovery and, stuff. It's called health at any size, I dunno if you've heard of that before.

[00:11:58] But what is [00:12:00] health? If I get my weight down to 180 pounds, but I feel like I want to jump off a cliff or blow my head off, am I healthier than somebody that's 250 pounds? No. I'm not because that person is crippled from whatever mental thing they have going on.

[00:12:16] Maybe their life expectancy is less because of the threat of suicide or other comorbidities that go along with having an eating disorder, 180 pound person. 

[00:12:28] Autumn Carter: I didn't even think about the making weight, but I just thought about how you're expected to just wolf down food just as soon as you can and they show to movies. I have family in the military. I grew up in military town, so I know that's the way it is when it's chow time, it's just piloting next.

[00:12:47] Geoff Walker: Yeah it's still tough like four years after I really have to think about mindful eating is not a thing in the military. 

[00:12:53] Autumn Carter: No. 

[00:12:55] Geoff Walker: It's generally oh shit. Like I got five minutes to eat before [00:13:00] my next meeting or whatever or my next event or evolution or something.

[00:13:03] So it's get down there and working lunches are a very common thing inside of the military 

[00:13:10] Autumn Carter: and I tend to do that through myself, not to. Yeah. It's 

[00:13:13] Geoff Walker: not, it's tough as a parent. Yeah, for sure. Where it's you're so busy taking care of your kids and 

[00:13:17] Autumn Carter: especially if it's something I know they want and I don't wanna share.

[00:13:21] When they were just twofold to finish whatever else and they see me grab something. 

[00:13:21] Geoff Walker: Yeah. I know a lot of parents just pick off, like whatever their kids don't eat, 

[00:13:26] Autumn Carter: my husband, sometimes I'll look at him like, are you poisoning us? Why aren't you eating? I'm just waiting for them to decide they're full and I'll just eat whatever they don't.

[00:13:33] Geoff Walker: Yeah. Eat a bullet cold, mac and cheese or whatever. Yeah, for sure. 

[00:13:36] Autumn Carter: And what you were talking about originally, for those who are wondering is called orthorexia, where you 

[00:13:42] Geoff Walker: there you go. 

[00:13:42] Autumn Carter: Can be super hyperfocused in the exercise arena, you can be super focused on the nutritional content instead of, for me, what it all boils down to is being really mindful and remembering evolution speaking.

[00:13:58] Our bodies know [00:14:00] what they're supposed to be doing, but we get in the way of that. And if we are craving something, generally speaking, sometimes it's unpacking it to be like, oh, it's not actually chocolate that I'm craving. Actually I need almonds when it's that time of the month for females.

[00:14:17] But when you're craving something that is showing you that you're missing something from your diet that your body needs. So it's taking the time for that and 

[00:14:26] Geoff Walker: yeah that's why, diets are so challenging is 'cause if you feel like you're depriving yourself of something, that's also a big reason I got rid of the concept of ascribing morality to food.

[00:14:37] Explain this. It's a terrible thing to do. I can't have a slice of cheesecake. It's bad for me. There's nothing wrong with cheesecake. Cheesecake has things that you need. Cheesecake has fat that your body needs it has carbohydrates that you need. Yeah, it probably has too much sugar, but dairy, it has protein in it.

[00:14:53] So to sit there and say that something is bad and that you can't have it are you bad? Are you a bad person because you had something bad? [00:15:00] Like it's just, it's foolish to ascribe morality to our food because all food has some sort of intrinsic value. 

[00:15:06] Autumn Carter: Except 

[00:15:07] Geoff Walker: probably like a twine or something. 

[00:15:09] Autumn Carter: Don't be twinky. There's joy 

[00:15:10] Geoff Walker: associated with that though 

[00:15:12] Autumn Carter: actually no, I was thinking Twix. I don't like Twinkies. I like Twix. Okay. But for me, what's helped me is how am I going to feel after I eat this? How many times have eaten something that looks so delicious and you're eating and you're like, that was a waste of calories.

[00:15:27] I really wanna just spit this out. But whoever made it is watching or whatever. So there's that thought. And for me, I was doctors, even frow of me when I tell 'em this, but before I had my gallbladder removed, I was allergic to dairy. 

[00:15:44] Geoff Walker: Okay. 

[00:15:45] Autumn Carter: And doctors were like, that's not a thing. I'm like, it is for my body.

[00:15:48] But what was hard for me is doing that whole dairy's bad thing. Because the more I did that, the more I wanted it. And let me go over how my [00:16:00] body feels when I have this. And it made it a lot easier for me. And the times that I did choose to have dairy, remembering I am choosing this, I'm choosing to have this pain for the next three days that said, better be worth it.

[00:16:13] And in the moment, yeah, it's totally gonna be worth it. But then when I'm in pain for three days, absolutely not. So I totally get where you're coming from this side. And it's very interesting to me because I hate throwing up. It just triggers memories of when I was a kid and I must had the flu or something.

[00:16:34] And it must have traumatized me because I still have it in my head where if I throw up once, I'm not gonna stop myself. So I hate throwing up. But I do know because we were really sick with the flu recently enough, how much of a relief that my body has after it finally has that moment. I can see where, you're going with having that, [00:17:00] ha feeling afterwards.

[00:17:02] Geoff Walker: Oh, for sure. Yeah. No, it was a high and it came from like the control side of things, but it also came from like the physical side of things. And that's part of like why when I try and describe to people like what living with, bulimia was like, is that it's basically, it was this constant cycle of going from extreme hunger to overeating and then the guilt that went along with overeating.

[00:17:32] The, anxiety that came along with oh my God, I gotta get rid of this. Now I have to find a way to excuse myself. I have to find a bathroom now to the release of getting rid of it. And then just the, starting that cycle all over again and just doing that for years and years.

[00:17:52] And. I fought with it for about 10 years. [00:18:00] And ultimately the thing that sort of led to me, and I had told Amanda at one point in time that I had been struggling with it. And she tried to help in her way. And I wasn't honest about the level in which I had been struggling with it.

[00:18:19] The Journey to Seeking Help and Treatment

[00:18:19] Geoff Walker: And ultimately the thing that sort of led to me deciding to get help was from a professional level, realizing that I wasn't delivering to my sailors the quality of service that they deserve from their cop. And at that point I spoke to the psychiatrist that was at the submarine squadron and told him like, and I'm, eternally grateful for that guy.

[00:18:51] It's a guy named Matt Den. Really good dude. He was a commander and I had a really good relationship with him and my duties as Cobb because I [00:19:00] used him as a resource for if my sailors were struggling with mental health things and it was ironic that like I had to ultimately go up there and just be like, Hey, look man, like this is what I've been dealing with.

[00:19:11] And he believed me and everybody that needed. And that was a big reason that I thought that I avoided help for so long is because I didn't think that people would believe me. 'cause it's oh eating disorders, that's a female problem. Or there's no way that a guy a 38-year-old man could be struggling with this or something.

[00:19:31] So that was part of like my aversion beyond just oh, I got it. I can, keep this under control or I can, it's not that bad. And then like just going through like the DSM five with him and just being like, how many times is this happening per day?

[00:19:46] Or per week it's eh, two to three times per day probably 15 to 20 times per week. It's holy shit. Yeah, man. Like you meet the clinical definition for this. Like you need to get help. [00:20:00] And ultimately, like it took a long time to find a place that took men.

[00:20:09] So that was part of the, care, plan that I got from the psychiatrist was like, Hey, we need to hit this hard. And just like the realization, like eating disorders are really challenging to treat from a clinical perspective just because there's so much comorbidity with other things and they're very, severe.

[00:20:29] As far as the, negativity that comes along with the people. So a lot of mental health professionals won't touch it with a 10 foot pole. There's plenty of psychiatrists or therapists that are like, Nope, not gonna take on eating disorder patients. Just 'cause they know that they're not equipped for it.

[00:20:44] It's a very specialized type of practitioner that has to take it on. So the initial recommendation was for me to go to residential treatment. It was tough to find a place that took men for residential treatment just [00:21:00] because not to say that men don't struggle equally with women, but women are far more likely to come forward and ask for help.

[00:21:09] So a lot of the facilities that do residential treatment or PHP partial hospitalization they're very safe spaces for women, which can preclude having men there for it. But this place that I went to was in Durham, North Carolina. It was called Veritas. I think it's been bought by another place now.

[00:21:29] I think it's called like the Emily Project or something, which is like a larger organization that sort of absorbed it. But yeah they took, min for residential. And I got to go there for a month and did a full residential treatment. It was really hard like that, was like the scariest night of my life, like before I checked in there and I had the worst like purge, like beforehand the worst, like binge and purge beforehand.

[00:21:57] It was I was such a nervous wreck [00:22:00] and just it's very eating disorder treatment's like super, controlled. Like it's, you have to go in there and just be like, okay, like I am completely giving up control of this. And you're told everything you're told when you can go to the bathroom, you're told when you can eat, you're told when you can sleep, you're told what you do.

[00:22:19] Like it's very regimented. Which ironically enough, was actually, that part of it was easy for me, because like with like my military mindset, it's okay, just tell me what to do and tell me where to be, like I don't have to think about it 

[00:22:33] Autumn Carter: where I'm like, no, don't tell me what to do.

[00:22:36] Geoff Walker: No. 

[00:22:36] Autumn Carter: But you have to get to that point of letting go of control. So I guess that part can make sense too. In a month that, I guess I'm surprised it was that short for how long you suffered from it. 

[00:22:47] Geoff Walker: So I did a, month there and then I did a month of partial hospitalization. So it was, like a nine to five thing for the second month.

[00:22:56] And then I graduated out from different levels of care. And then I [00:23:00] did IOP and then now years later I still have just a therapist that I, still deal with and process things. 

[00:23:06] The Importance of Support and Shared Experiences

[00:23:15] Geoff Walker: But I think I was so terrified of going to treatment and feeling like I was gonna be the only person there with my story.

[00:23:17] And it was very integral to my recovery that I made connections with people that completely objectively, I would've never had anything in common with it was like 22-year-old college students women. One of the things that's really changed my opinion on transgender issues is there were two trans men that were there, and they were the only other dudes that were there with me.

[00:23:48] It was we're the guys, so it's like we rolled together and stuff, and that sort of led to me just becoming friends with them and just hearing their story and their experience and stuff and just being like, [00:24:00] you guys are just like me.

[00:24:02] Like you're just, dudes want the same things, but then just having those connections with other people and just seeing how similar we were with, not just our symptoms, but just the things that cause our symptoms and realizing that it's not about weight.

[00:24:17] We already established that it's about control. Eating disorders aren't about weight and that's tough for some people on the outside to hear or to process, but it's entirely like a control thing. So going into treatment and meeting other people and making connections and just being in that room for group sessions and there's 20 other people in there

[00:24:40] and everybody's like nodding their head at your story instead of giving you quizzical looks or looks of pity or something, which is what I got from other people that kind of knew what my struggle was outside of that environment. And just being like, oh yeah, I totally understand that and I totally get that and seeing the same thing and just being [00:25:00] like, okay, we're not alone.

[00:25:03] So another thing that was interesting while I was there, this place had I think 20 some odd beds, maybe 24 beds. Another person that was there was another US Navy Chief Petty Officer that was another patient there. And she has become one of my really good friends. She's had her own journey with it and stuff, but our stories were very similar on the Navy side of the house.

[00:25:31] And the two of us were wait a minute, what are the odds that you know, out of this eating disorder treatment facility that, you know, out of the, hundreds that probably exist in the world, how is it the two people in the Navy wound up here? And then there was another person who was an Army veteran who was there, who had a very similar story, and it was just okay, like something's, amiss here.[00:26:00] 

[00:26:01] And that sort of led to a lot of thoughts. And my friend Leah, who I went with, she's taken the ball and just run with it since her retirement. And she like, that's her whole purpose in life now is she runs a, nonprofit dedicated to helping people in the military with eating disorders.

[00:26:21] And that's the one that like I sent the link to. Yeah, the nonprofit's called C Waves. So if you just search for that on Google, I think it's Ctech Waves. Dot org. We'll have it 

[00:26:31] Autumn Carter: in the description. 

[00:26:32] Geoff Walker: We can put it in the description. But their whole mission is just like the education of the fact that eating disorders exists within the military and like why there's such a proclivity for them.

[00:26:46] And then usually, like when I explain it to people, it's like people are like, oh yeah, that totally makes sense how somebody could develop an disorder out of that. 

[00:26:55] Autumn Carter: So what are the chances now, what have you discovered? How is this I've 

[00:26:58] Geoff Walker: this is this, I don't have [00:27:00] empirical data or anything, but I was very transparent in my struggles with this and I've had numerous people reach out to me via the chief Petty officer, where it's like a fraternal organization.

[00:27:13] I've had other chiefs or command master chiefs or things reach out to me and be like, Hey, I've got a sailor that says that they're struggling with this. Can you point them in the right direction? So there's a lot more data that I know Leah has, given on that. That says this is how many people and what percentage of men versus women.

[00:27:36] And keep in mind a lot of the statistics for men are very skewed because of that whole stigma that's, around it. But yeah, it's one of the things I like to talk about. 

[00:27:44] Addressing Mental Health Stigmas in the Military

[00:27:45] Geoff Walker: 'cause I, think that this isn't just about eating disorder specifically, but it's about mental health for men 

[00:27:50] Autumn Carter: I was hoping you had mentioned that 

[00:27:52] Geoff Walker: We don't have to go it alone and I think that's necessary in order to break down [00:28:00] stigmas and barriers when it comes to that stuff. I don't think that men suck at a lot of things when it comes to mental health. 

[00:28:07] Autumn Carter: There's a whole book. Men are from ours, women are from Venus, and so many other, I feel like 

[00:28:12] Geoff Walker: Men are absolutely terrible with like platonic compliments. And it's, strange. Like I've, been getting a lot of those, like recently over my beard. Like just from like random dudes for the guys.

[00:28:26] It was funny, I was up in Connecticut up at Naval Submarine School and I must have had 12 different sailors, young guys, 18, 19 years 

[00:28:33] Autumn Carter: old. 'cause they're jealous. 

[00:28:34] Geoff Walker: Yeah. They can't actually. That was like my usual response. It's yeah, you'll get there someday, man. I was like, that is my retirement beard.

[00:28:40] Just people would just be like, holy crap man, that's an awesome beard. And it's like, why don't men do stuff like that? That's a really nice shirt. It looks good on you. And it's I, wish men did that better and, more. Because like when it happens to me, it like makes my day.

[00:28:56] So I like doing it for other people too 

[00:28:59] Autumn Carter: And you do [00:29:00] have an awesome beard. You totally look like a dwarf, which is hysterical to me because you are tall. 

[00:29:06] Geoff Walker: Yeah, I was going, for the gimley look when I had it braided and everything, 

[00:29:11] Autumn Carter: I was hoping you would today.

[00:29:14] Geoff Walker: No, I took it out. It got to be a little too much, like there's probably too many food particles inside of the braid, so 

[00:29:19] Autumn Carter: that makes sense. 

[00:29:20] Geoff Walker: Want it, I don't want it to be nasty, 

[00:29:21] Autumn Carter: I'm sure your wife appreciates that. What I was gonna say is I have a really good friend of mine and she was struggling with mental health.

[00:29:30] She was asking for places that I recommended, and this was in the beginning of me becoming a life coach. She was actually living in South Carolina during the time, funny enough. She was looking for places that would not know about her husband being in the military and would not go through TRICARE because she was worried that it would affect his ranking and his promotions especially if they [00:30:00] wanted to go overseas, if there was any.

[00:30:03] Indication that she had postpartum depression or she's always suffered from anxiety, like not. Just me being friends with her forever and seeing that not being a professional who could say, here's your I CD 10 code for this. . Can you talk a little bit about that kind of clue the rest of us in who aren't connected with the military? 

[00:30:27] Geoff Walker: This kind of goes like into the perfect mindset that's required, right? So there's absolutely, like the Navy will sit there and talk out of its ass and be like, oh yeah we want people to get help. We want if your family's not being taken care of, then you know, like we're not doing our jobs and it's like that.

[00:30:45] But at the end of the day, where if it comes down to between two people and this guy's wife is a hot mess. And this hasn't had any indications of that. And I don't wanna, I don't wanna use the term hot mess. I'm just saying this is how they think, 

[00:30:58] Autumn Carter: but I'm not saying this, they're not even [00:31:00] in the Navy.

[00:31:01] Geoff Walker: So I'm saying that leadership would view it that way. To be like, this person's has had family struggles or something, this person hasn't, they're gonna go with the other person.

[00:31:10] No. That's like a military mindset. Yeah. And that's, challenging because it's like you're so many factors that go into and the big, change that they've tried to do is that it all factors into like war fighting readiness like your ability, you're not taking care of at home, then you're not gonna be able to deploy or to do your thing or to go take the fight the AME or whatever that is.

[00:31:36] Or whatever the mission is. Not necessarily combat, but. It could be just be a submarine deployment or whatever, which hopefully, 

[00:31:42] Autumn Carter: but if I was in charge, if you're getting mental health, I'll choose you 'cause you know where to go for your health. 

[00:31:47] Geoff Walker: No, that's hard. There's, merit to that. But it's the same thing with like women in the military where it's like, when's a good time to have a kid?

[00:31:54] It's really tough. There was never a good time to have a kid in the military. It was [00:32:00] never a good time for a, lot of professional working class women to have a kid because it's like you're forced to put your career on hold for however many months. If you live in a developed country for six months to a year of maternity leave, or if you live in the US like our garbage system with you're gonna get sneered at for taking two weeks of maternity leave.

[00:32:20] Autumn Carter: True. 

[00:32:21] Geoff Walker: Yeah. So yeah, it's tough and I don't dunno what the right answer is on that stuff, I agree that like you'd think that the answer would be like this person is taking care of themself and, going to utilize the resources that are available.

[00:32:40] But it jeopardizes mission readiness at that point maybe in the long term. And I think that's probably the right answer is looking at it as the long-term health of someone's family or something like that. 'cause at the end of the day, I, can't tell you how many times the military has led to divorce or something like that because of just struggles on the, family front or just people can't handle it.[00:33:00] 

[00:33:00] I feel incredibly blessed and serendipitous that I've had Amanda stick through me through, I mean we started dating five years and 15, 16 years of it, so 

[00:33:15] Autumn Carter: you guys had an anniversary recently, so I gotta see a picture and you guys were babies. 

[00:33:21] Geoff Walker: Yeah. 

[00:33:21] Autumn Carter: Oh my goodness. 

[00:33:22] Geoff Walker: We were, kids.

[00:33:23] Yeah. 

[00:33:23] Autumn Carter: Yes. So we just dumped on the military in a lot of ways. 

[00:33:31] Reflecting on Past Choices and Recovery

[00:33:42] Autumn Carter: Let's backtrack and let's go to, what would you do differently knowing that, especially with the government involved, because it takes so long to change course in a ship, so to speak. What, could you do differently?

[00:33:49] And then after that if you already know exactly what's gonna happen to you, you know yourself, what would you do differently? And then what advice would you give to [00:34:00] other people at any step of your path that you were on? 

[00:34:06] Geoff Walker: It's a great question and it's, one that I've asked myself because I've had the opportunity to ask myself like, would I change things? And the answer to that now in 2025 four years post retirement, five years into recovery is I, wouldn't change if I had a magic coin that could, or a genie wish or whatever, if I could go back and change it, I don't know if I would, because I've learned so much more about myself through the course of recovery and therapy.

[00:34:48] And then I know that my journey has affected others in a positive way. It's had lots of people reach out to me because I was [00:35:00] transparent about it and say, Hey, thanks for being open about your own mental health struggles. Because of that, I was able to do it myself. And get help. Those instances right there are really what it's all about.

[00:35:16] Obviously I could say that I wish I would've gotten help sooner or something like that, or I wish I would've realized that I had a problem sooner. But that's Monday morning quarterbacking. That's not realistic. 

[00:35:25] Understanding the Growth During Recovery

[00:35:31] Geoff Walker: The realistic answer is and I look at myself in the sense of one of the thoughts that I had that I shared with other people is the growth that goes along with eating disorder recovery and the growth that happens is not just physical because your body is in a state of healing.

[00:35:45] So you put on a lot of weight and you grow a lot and it's easy to get wrapped up and focused on that. But what other things have grown during recovery? My capacity for empathy has grown significantly. [00:36:00] My self-awareness about my, realizing like some of the genesis like of, my eating disorder, I can get like super deep as to like things that I think that, like why it happened beyond just like the, PRT aspect of things.

[00:36:15] I think a lot of the reasons that like my eating just manifested to begin is, was like a backlash against me not being true to myself. 

[00:36:24] Navigating Masculinity and Authenticity

[00:36:31] Geoff Walker: Being in the military environment like I feel like I always have to preface this with the military is a very hyper masculine environment and I am not a masculine coded person.

[00:36:42] Not to say that I'm not a man and I don't identify as a man, right? But I feel that as far as like energy, I feel like there's feminine and there's masculine energy that exists. You can do that as like a moon versus sun like you really want to get into the, granola [00:37:00] eating kind of aspect of things.

[00:37:01] But like I've always, I feel that like the things that matter to me are, things that are more feminine energy aligned. Things like, I don't care about winning and losing because they're not, that is not a language that speaks to me. I have the mindset that's more feminine of is everyone having a good time?

[00:37:19] Is everyone enjoying themselves? I'm very artistic. I find joy in creation. I find joy in the company of other, these are just very, they're not things that are historically associated with masculinity and the military. I think being in that environment, it forced me to not be true to myself in a way that I've been able to since going into recovery and separating myself from the military.

[00:37:49] I feel like my eating disorder was maybe a little bit of a pendulum swing back the other way of like just my psyche being misaligned and being forced to live in a [00:38:00] fashion that it wasn't aligned with, like my true values of who I was as a person. 

[00:38:07] Autumn Carter: For people who are like, this resonates for me because it could be somebody else or they just autoplay the next episode and they just happen to be listening to this.

[00:38:18] Think about yourself if you're not resonating with everything that goes with eating disorders , and if you are not being true to yourself, if you're not taking care of your own wellness and making sure you're aligned and knowing that when you might be doing the exact same things you were doing 20 years ago, but now you're not feeling aligned, because we evolve, we have different needs.

[00:38:42] It goes with, you can't even see it, but I have right above here is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Sure. And once we have this need met our natural inclination is to be Okay, now I'm ready for this need. What's next? And you just keep going. [00:39:00] So what works one day won't work the next. And you just unpack that in such a beautiful way of showing that this episode is still for you.

[00:39:11] Even if you don't know someone with an disorder, which jokes on you, you do, you just don't really Yeah, 

[00:39:17] Geoff Walker: a hundred percent. Yep. They're just hiding it really well. 

[00:39:19] Autumn Carter: Don't have one yourself, and chances are. If we really look in the mirror, we all have some kind of

[00:39:30] maybe on the fringes. We all like that comfort food when we're really stressed out and sometimes we overdo it for a while and then we get nervous. So then we're like I'm just not gonna eat for a while. We all do our own things and we can easily let that go a little too far and a little too far.

[00:39:47] Geoff Walker: There's a very slippery slope that exists between an eating disorder and disordered eating. 

[00:39:55] Disordered Eating in the Military

[00:40:03] Geoff Walker: And that's like another thing to circle back to the, military aspect of things is that disordered eating is rampant in the military. Even if, eating disorders there may not be data for that, but I can just tell you like, anybody that's in the military is gonna be like, oh yeah 

[00:40:10] Autumn Carter: so explain this.

[00:40:11] You 

[00:40:11] Geoff Walker: eat Oh, like just disordered eating. So things like intermittent fasting I don't think intermittent fasting is disordered eating. And people will probably argue against that or whatever I guess they're trying to do it, it's a trend, like a heavily controlled fashion.

[00:40:22] Yeah. It's every other diet. And so it's things like crash dieting so before that weigh in doing things like, oh my God, I'm 10 pounds over and it's two weeks before the thing. What am I gonna do? Crash diet, exercise too much. Like all these things that it's just everything from like people putting hemorrhoid cream on their stomachs and then wrapping in Saran wrap and going into sweat room saunas to lose extra weight.

[00:40:50] Autumn Carter: I had a guy that I dated who was on the wrestling team in high school so we did wrestling whole garbage bag thing. Yep. 

[00:40:58] Geoff Walker: No, so that's another thing I didn't [00:41:00] even get to this point is that eating disorders historically are with professions that are associated with a high body image with a, extremely high body image.

[00:41:11] So you think modeling, you think acting, dancing but then you start getting into like men and you're like wrestling, boxing, like all of these mixed martial arts, like those things are heavily dependent on your weight. If you don't make weight, then you're not doing your fight.

[00:41:28] You're outta your class, you're outta your weight range or whatever. So those types of behaviors are all over that stuff. Not only just like on the, body image side of things as far as like weightlifting and fitness culture and things like that. So if you think about it from that perspective, and then you think about the military and if you fail this, then it's gonna end your career.

[00:41:49] You're not gonna advance or whatever. It makes a ton of sense to that whole thing of tying so much of merit to what your weight or what your number is on a scale or something like [00:42:00] that that super high. Self-identity being tied to what you look like. And the military place is a very high emphasis on that.

[00:42:12] Yeah. 

[00:42:14] Autumn Carter: Oh, I have another question. They're related, so at least that helps.

[00:42:20] If you, so let me ask the second one and then I can circle back. 

[00:42:24] Geoff Walker: Sure. 

[00:42:26] Supporting a Loved One with an Eating Disorder

[00:42:26] Autumn Carter: What are the signs and what do you do if you suspect somebody? And we can even just use your wife, so if she, what signs should she have seen? Stuff like that.

[00:42:36] Geoff Walker: It's really tough because it's gonna manifest in so many different ways. And once you get good at an eating disorder, you get really good at hiding it. Part of the mindset of an eating disorder that is very challenging. And this goes into the difficulty fighting it, is that you're, lying to yourself so frequently that it makes it very, [00:43:00] easy to just lie to everyone else around you.

[00:43:04] And that was actually a big thing that sort of led to me seeking help as well was just how, easy it made it for me to lie to my wife about things what'd you have for lunch? Oh I had this. And it's just boom, just lying. I didn't have lunch or I had lunch, but I threw it up and it's just casual, lies.

[00:43:27] There's all kinds of. Stereotypes that exist with it. And I don't want to get too much into those because I remember watching some goofy a, b, c after school movie in health class in ninth grade about eating disorders. It was about this family that had, a kid an eating disorder and it was just everything.

[00:43:43] Like you'd think, oh, there's all these food wrappers inside of the car or they're in the bathroom too long, 

[00:43:49] Autumn Carter: so the classic, 

[00:43:51] Geoff Walker: What teenager isn't in the bathroom too long? Whatever. I don't know necessarily what the warning signs are.

[00:43:57] I think that, being [00:44:00] approachable being in a, relationship with somebody that makes them comfortable, and I think just knowing. I think it's more important to reach out to the person with the eating disorder than it is for the people because that was a, thing as part of my recovery where I didn't ask a lot of Amanda, because Amanda did a lot because I went to, residential and she was back in Hawaii while I was doing that.

[00:44:27] It was two months away from home leading up until the week before Christmas. 

[00:44:31] Autumn Carter: And you have tons of kids. 

[00:44:35] Geoff Walker: Yeah. We had five kids at the time. And so we have six now. I think it's an important thing with people that are dealing with an eating disorder that like, don't put too much on your partner.

[00:44:50] Because it's not your partner's job to be your therapist, it's not your partner's job to be your dietician. Your partner is not part of your care team. Like they're part [00:45:00] of your support network, but it's just too much to ask of one person to be all of those things. So I think that the most important thing that, like I asked of my wife was like to support me being able to go to therapy to make sure that there was always like food available in the house for dinner and stuff like that.

[00:45:22] But like as far as like the forcing confrontation or something, or like going into the bathroom after I used the bathroom that's not gonna help. 'cause then it's just gonna lead to like confrontation and angst 

[00:45:34] Autumn Carter: more hiding. 

[00:45:35] Geoff Walker: Yeah. No, it was tough too, where like in the initial stages of recovery.

[00:45:39] Where it's if I did have a, and this is like an important thing too, it's part of that mindset of recovery where it's if I did have a slip up, what if I did purge? Is that a failure? Do I wanna tell her? Because then she's just gonna be worried about it. And, that mindset, and I think that was a big conversation that we had [00:46:00] was giving me that space to have my own recovery.

[00:46:06] To not try and be my therapist and to not try and be my dietician and if I had a slip or something that maybe I'm not necessarily gonna tell you about that's between me and my therapist and I'm not gonna put that on you. And that's the way to think of it, is like putting it on them, not like hiding it from them.

[00:46:25] And that sort of goes like into the conversation about the linearness or not of recovery and what that looks like. The difference between a slip and a relapse and things like that. I don't know if I answered your question necessarily. I, think I can tell you things not to do as opposed to things to do.

[00:46:43] Autumn Carter: Things not to do. So yes, tell us about things not to do. 

[00:46:47] Geoff Walker: Yeah don't seek confrontation over it. It's not going to help because then the person's going to get defensive and, react to it in a, inappropriate way.[00:47:00] 

[00:47:00] But I think that you have to establish those boundaries there with your, family. 'cause obviously like your family cares about you want you to recover. But again, don't put them in that position where they have to be all those things for you. 'cause nobody can do that. They're not professionally trained to be your dietician.

[00:47:20] They're not professionally trained to be an eating disorder therapist. They love you and they care for you. So finding ways that they can support you and be there for you without trying to step into those other roles is important. 

[00:47:34] Autumn Carter: So along with that, if people are such a heavy topic, let's just start there.

[00:47:43] Where should people start looking? 

[00:47:47] Geoff Walker: Worried about somebody else? 

[00:47:48] Autumn Carter: Either one. 

[00:47:51] Geoff Walker: There's hotlines there's the National Eating Disorder Association. For me personally, that initial connection of finding somebody else, just finding some other [00:48:00] person that knew what I was going through.

[00:48:03] Even if it's not in the exact same context or affecting my life in the exact same way, but somebody else that got it, that was like. Because it's like to a completely outside person to just be like, what do you mean? You feel like a sense of release. It feels like doing a drug to throw up like you get high off of it.

[00:48:25] That's just so odd to your average person. So to have somebody else to just be like yeah, I do that too. And then just connect there. Like to me that was the beginnings of, recovery because it got me out of that initial isolation. It was the initial thing that sort of took me out of that.

[00:48:43] Autumn Carter: Totally makes sense to me because there's times where I am just so sick and my husband's like, why don't you just try to throw up? And I'm so anti that. And he'll do it and he'll be fine. You know when you've eaten something bad and you just need to, for people who [00:49:00] don't have a eating disorder along with me and I'm just like, I can't, 'cause I'm just worried that I won't be able to stop and I'm gonna be throwing up and it just won't stop.

[00:49:09] It totally makes sense that not everybody has that ability. 

[00:49:12] The Complexity of Eating Disorders in the Military

[00:49:12] Autumn Carter: So my other question, people who are listening in the military, what are your recommendations?

[00:49:20] Because yours was bad enough, it was better for you to be medically discharged, medically retired. What about for others? Is there hope? 

[00:49:35] Geoff Walker: I definitely think that there's hope. I think that for me it was a choice to retire. I was already over 20 years. I was good at my job. People thought I was good at my job.

[00:49:51] I was highly ranked with amongst my peers I could have gone back into that position and either done it again in some fashion [00:50:00] or moved on to the next thing. 

[00:50:01] Autumn Carter: And your wife said that your career ended up being really good for you after military, 'cause you're still involved.

[00:50:06] Geoff Walker: Yeah. I have a small connection to it still. I still work with other submarine veterans and stuff, so That's good. I had to make that decision though, as to can I maintain recovery? Still continue to serve and meet those height weight requirements because those height weight requirements aren't going away.

[00:50:28] That's part of what makes it so complex, and I don't wanna seem like bitter about it or something because everything else inside of the military, there has to be a standard. There has to be a standard for how far your sideburns go down and how big the earrings are that you wear if you're a woman, and how long your nails can be if you're a woman and what kind of glasses you can wear.

[00:50:47] If you don't have standards, then the military falls apart, right? Because then you're gonna have somebody who's gonna be like I'm gonna wear hoop earrings, and it's nope. The requirement says they have to be one eighth of an inch [00:51:00] and that's it. And you have to have that written down somewhere.

[00:51:02] So it's the same thing with the, height weight requirements. If you don't do that, then you're just gonna have a bunch of overweight people in the military and you can't have that either, because you don't wanna be paying for people's fricking, blood pressure medication and their diabetes medication and whether or not they can carry a backpack and hike 20 miles up a mountain or go fight a fire in an engine room on a submarine, or it just spirals out of control if you don't have those standards.

[00:51:25] So I get the need for the standards. I think that the military needs to acknowledge that there's a problem and educate. Its leadership on how the environment nurtures and causes eating disorders. To know some of the warning signs that are out there, that it could just be people's, weight fluctuating it's tough to just be like, oh, is this person using the restroom too often?

[00:51:50] That can't be a thing. But I think acknowledging that the, environment helps to foster this mindset I think another thing [00:52:00] too is. Another thing, think about is that the military takes away a lot of other coping mechanisms that people have, and it also provides support for other maladaptive coping behaviors.

[00:52:10] You're an alcoholic in the military, they'll take care of you, they'll send you to alcohol treatment, you quit smoking, they'll give you Chantix and they'll send you to smoking cessation classes. If you have other mental health struggles, there, things that they can do but there's such a vacuum of knowledge about eating disorders that there isn't built into it.

[00:52:32] When I say that, they take away those other coping behaviors, I think that my eating disorder got worse when I quit drinking and smoking. Because those were things that I did to numb or control. That's a common thing. With people that develop eating disorders sometimes it stems from getting rid of other substances.

[00:52:56] Yeah. You can't smoke on a [00:53:00] submarine, so a lot of people stop smoking. If you drink too much, if you have any kind of alcohol related incident, it's another kind of career killer. So a lot of people choose not to drink. So it's, there's these other things that oftentimes people use as numbing effects that maybe, at least for, me and for some of the other people that I've talked to that have struggled with eating disorders in the military is it's like, Hey, here's this thing that I can do that gives me, like a fix.

[00:53:24] It gives me a high, and it keeps my weight in line, I, hate myself so much that I'm my own worst critic. So I'm doing really well on my evals and stuff because I'm my own worst enemy. You're never gonna tell me something that I don't you're never gonna say anything you hate about me that I don't already hate.

[00:53:40] Way worse. So it's gonna make you like a top performer. So it's this sort of like negative reinforcement that's going on with the, eating disorder behaviors. Another thing that I wanted to touch on that I didn't get a chance to touch on before that makes eating disorders so complex and difficult to deal with, [00:54:00] is that pretty much any form of substance abuse or addiction, the answer is abstinence.

[00:54:09] You abstain from the behavior. If you're an alcoholic, you don't go to the bar anymore, right? If you're struggling with heroin or fentanyl or meth or something like that, you remove yourself from the situations and you, have your support network and your recovery and there's you, you don't go underneath the bridge anymore like you just don't do it with an eating disorder.

[00:54:34] Your drug of choice is food. So you cannot abstain from it. So it forces you into that confrontation on a hourly, daily basis that you have to confront it in a way that other addictions, you don't have to where it's easy to say ah, I'm not gonna, I can't drink anymore. I'm not going to the bar.

[00:54:57] Guess what, man? You gotta eat 'cause you're hungry. And [00:55:00] if you're not doing it, then you're just making the eating disorder worse. So that's part of what makes it super complicated and challenging. 

[00:55:07] Autumn Carter: Seems like it'd be really easy to go to orthorexia from that. 

[00:55:12] Geoff Walker: Sure, yeah. That's why it's, a spectrum, you know what I'm saying?

[00:55:16] Like many other mental health things or just mental things in general it's a spectrum. Some people shift between bulimia and anorexia and orthorexia and other, things that exist on the scale of, what constitutes an eating disorder. I guess I wanted to talk a little bit about recovery.

[00:55:37] Autumn Carter: Yes. Please. 

[00:55:38] Geoff Walker: What that looks like. 

[00:55:39] Autumn Carter: We, 

[00:55:39] got down pretty far, like more of a downer. Yeah. Bring us some hope again. 

[00:55:43] Geoff Walker: Yeah. 

[00:55:43] The Non-Linear Path of Recovery

[00:55:43] Geoff Walker: So I think recovery is, it's important to remember that recovery is non-linear and your recovery is your recovery. And for me, what recovery comes down to is it's shifting your mindset, right?

[00:55:58] So talk about [00:56:00] like slips and relapses and things. 

[00:56:03] Autumn Carter: Part of what's the difference between a slip and a relapse 

[00:56:06] Geoff Walker: mindset? I think it's entirely mindset. So here's the thing, right? Say in the beginnings you're starting recovery, right?

[00:56:16] And you go three days without having a, binge and a purge. The difference and what makes recovery successful or not. Whether or not you go, oh my God, I went three days without having a binge and a I haven't gone that long in years. That's amazing. What am I gonna do to make it four next time?

[00:56:44] Or you can go, I went three days without having a binge and a purge and I fucked it all up and I did it. And then you allow yourself to like wallow in that. So it's the mindset of [00:57:00] I went a whole month without having a binge and a purge. That's amazing. Two years ago, I could have never thought that was possible.

[00:57:08] How do I make it six? How do I make it 10 weeks next time? And it's like whether or not you're learning what caused it. That's like what a slip is to me, vice a relapse. Relapse is like where you allow yourself to fall into it and then you continue to punish yourself with those same behaviors and fall back into those old patterns.

[00:57:29] But I think it's that, mindset of getting out of the self-hatred aspect of it, of I screwed it all up. I can't believe I did this. I'm a worthless piece of crap. Which is like where your mind wants to go. 'cause it's that self-hatred piece of it, right? But it's the same information, it's the same data.

[00:57:46] You went three days without having a binge and a purge. Which way are you going to respond to the fact that binge and purge happened? Are you gonna sit there and try and learn from it and celebrate the fact that you went 72 hours and you, made it [00:58:00] you ate nine whole meals and 'em all down.

[00:58:03] Or you're gonna go, ah, I screwed it all up. I suck. I'm never gonna be done. I'm never gonna be able to do this. And then eventually, one day without binging and purging turns into a week and maybe you mess up and then a, week you're able to go four days. Like each time that it happens, you're able to learn and you're able to glean something and you're able to garner something and you're able to get better and develop intuition and recognize patterns and to learn and to really process why something happened.

[00:58:39] That's the important thing. I think it's very important to know that like you will slip up, your recovery is not going to be perfect. And this goes for a lot of different things. This doesn't just go for eating disorder. This goes for, 

[00:58:49] Autumn Carter: I've said this recently with goals, just setting goals, anything. 

[00:58:55] Geoff Walker: Yeah.

[00:58:57] The difference though, I think that's, 

[00:58:58] Autumn Carter: no, it's not like a different [00:59:00] framework, different math or whatever for this. 

[00:59:03] Geoff Walker: Yeah. It's, the perspective. I think though the data is the same, it's the perspective on how you handle. Event that matters and makes the difference into whether or not you can call your recovery successful or not.

[00:59:16] And for me it's been, I don't know, it's been a long time since I've had a, courage. I don't even think like I, I don't remember the last one, but it's if it were to happen again, I wouldn't think that, like I've relapsed. I'd be like, oh man what, happened? Like, why did I allow this?

[00:59:38] What can I learn from this? 

[00:59:39] Autumn Carter: That self check in of what triggered it. 

[00:59:42] Geoff Walker: Sure. A hundred percent. Yeah. Okay. Like what was the situation, what was the food, what was your mindset like what was your day like before, taking stock of, all those things. So I think that's a, like a really important thing to remember about any type of recovery from anything though, is that it's [01:00:00] I like to say if you say it's like a, it's a hike, right?

[01:00:06] It's less about the destination and more about the journey to get there. If you go on a hike, it's never gonna be like a straight line, have you been to Hawaii? 

[01:00:17] Autumn Carter: Yes. 

[01:00:18] Geoff Walker: Have you done Cocoa Head? 

[01:00:20] Autumn Carter: I was too pregnant 

[01:00:20] Geoff Walker: that one. I will in March.

[01:00:22] Go ahead. Coco head's like the only hike. It's like a straight line and it's awful. 

[01:00:27] Autumn Carter: Oh, I hate it. So maybe I won't do that one. 

[01:00:29] Geoff Walker: It's a great view. No it's, like a nice view, but basically it's cocoa head is like a straight line and it's very linear.

[01:00:35] Most hikes are not like that. Most hikes have valleys and dips and turns and things like that. And a lot of it is similar to like, that allegory, like the iron rod or something like that. It's about holding onto it and realizing that maybe you may slip, you may stumble, you might sprain your ankle, but it's about moving forward and progress.

[01:00:55] To getting to that, ultimate goal. And that goal could be very [01:01:00] amorphous. Your recovery is what you want it to be. Recovery for one person might look completely different for somebody else. And that's okay. 

[01:01:09] Autumn Carter: So with this, I know we're getting close on time, I didn't even look at the time until my husband snuck in to put his tablet away at the charge for the night.

[01:01:13] But it sounds like part of your recovery was also getting more in tune with yourself. 

[01:01:18] Rediscovering Joy and Authenticity

[01:01:18] Autumn Carter: I've been at your house with your wife and you were excited about a, figuring that you're painting for a game that you're playing. And I wonder how much that has been part of your journey. 

[01:01:34] Geoff Walker: Yeah. I mean it's I rediscovered a love for art actually, and art therapy at treatment.

[01:01:41] I never touched a paintbrush before that. So it was like a. Just channeling, like that part of me. And again, I think that kind of goes back to the finding things that bring me joy and reconnecting with my true self, my authentic self. Yeah, art has [01:02:00] definitely been something that's been a blessing.

[01:02:04] I don't paint as much as I like to or as much as I should, but every once in a while, like when I do it, every time I do it, it's kinda like working out or something it's ah, I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it. And then you do it and you're like, man, that felt really good.

[01:02:15] I should probably do that some more. For anyone that's listening that be it mental health struggles of any kind male or female or somewhere in between.

[01:02:29] Or specific to eating disorder things. I think it's, important that we share our stories with these things that we don't allow ourselves to suffer in silence because there's tremendous weight and burden that can be lifted off by being open about it. And for me I, alluded to it a little bit, like I'm very grateful that I was open and honest about that stuff because people have come back since and.[01:03:00] 

[01:03:00] Told me that they're grateful that they were able to make their own decisions and come forward and get help in some fashion. So I just wanna continue to, do that and hopefully somebody else will pay it forward and help people out on a level like that.

[01:03:15] Autumn Carter: This is exactly why as soon as you had that post explaining your eating disorder and what you wanted to do, I immediately reached out to you saying, I want you on my podcast when you're ready, because I know how. Passionate you get about things. And I know that this is absolutely your passion and that there is so much healing that comes from helping heal other people.

[01:03:40] So as you're sharing your story and helping other people on their healing journey, you're healing. And I'm glad that I was able to be a very small part of this. Thank you for being on.

[01:03:51] Thanks 

[01:03:52] Geoff Walker: for giving me a, platform to talk about it. So I hope absolutely. 

[01:03:55] Conclusion and Resources

[01:03:55] Geoff Walker: Like I said, if there's just one person out there that's Hey, maybe I do have a problem with this and I'm gonna get help with it, like that's what it's all about right there.

[01:04:04] Autumn Carter: Yeah, exactly. And the links to the things he mentioned are in the show notes. And knowing Geoff , he will be giving me other links that we did not mention. So check out the show notes and if you know anybody. Struggling with this or that knows somebody else, please share this. The whole point in this is to light the path for other people towards better wellness.

[01:04:29] So thank you. 

[01:04:31] Geoff Walker: Awesome. Thanks.

[01:04:33] Autumn Carter: Thanks for tuning into this week's episode. I am your host, autumn Carter, a certified life coach dedicated to empowering individuals to rediscover their identity, find balance, miss chaos, strengthen relationships, and pursue their dreams. My goal is to help people thrive in every aspect of their lives. I hope today's discussion inspired you and offered valuable insights.

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