Grief Journey

What does grief really look like when the casseroles are gone, the paperwork is done, and your heart still feels cracked wide open?

In this episode of Wellness in Every Season, Autumn Carter sits down with Diandra Ford-Wing for a raw and deeply human conversation about loss, healing, and the long road of learning how to live after someone you love is gone. After the sudden loss of her mother, Diandra stepped away from her thriving career to give herself the space to grieve—an experience that eventually gave rise to her debut novel, Red Bird.

Together, Autumn and Diandra unpack the reality that grief is not neat, short, or something you simply “get over.” They talk about the emotional weight of losing a parent, the importance of giving yourself permission to pause, the role of therapy and support, and how creativity can become a lifeline in the middle of pain. Diandra also shares the meaning behind Red Bird, how her mother’s love continues to shape her life, and why protecting your peace matters so much when you are walking through heartbreak.

This episode is for anyone carrying grief, supporting someone who is grieving, or trying to understand how loss reshapes identity, purpose, and wellness. You can connect with Diandra and follow her work through her website and social media: booksbydiandra.com, Instagram @diandrafordwing, and LinkedIn under Diandra Ford-Wing.

For more wellness tips and exclusive content, join my newsletter! Sign up now at https://wellness-in-every-season.kit.com/5-days-to-mastering-mornings-and-evenings receive a free 5-day guide called "Awaken and Unwind: 5 Days to Mastering Life's Mornings and Evenings." 

Transcript

Grief Is Lifelong

SPEAKER_02 0:01

This is episode 194, and we are talking about grief. Welcome to Wellness in Every Season. We talk all things wellness to help you align yourself, align with your goals, get find balance in your life, and just recalibrate yourself. If you are listening for the first time, welcome, welcome. I'm so glad you're here. And let's get started in the rest of the podcast. I am so excited to have DeAndra Ford wing with me. She is a dynamic and innovative sales director whose profound journey through grief ignited her passion for storytelling. After the sudden loss of her mother, DeAndra made the courageous decision to pause her thriving career, allowing herself the space to heal and reflect. This transformative experience ultimately inspired her debut novel, Red Bird, a heartfelt expiration of loss and resilience. So we're going to be talking a lot about this today. And I had somebody reach out to me yesterday asking for a grief counselor. And I've had somebody a month ago asking for this too. So I know that this is very needed. Yeah. And I was actually talking to two, my two oldest last night about how we are preparing ourselves financially in case anything happens to my husband.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Yeah.

Making Space To Heal

SPEAKER_02 1:33

And my son was saying, we would be upset for weeks. I'm like, no, you wouldn't. He's like, okay, months. I'm like, keep going. No, you wouldn't. Yeah. Like, okay, for years. I'm like, for the rest of your life. For all of our lives. We would be. And so many people forget that grief is not just a one and done type of thing. You feel it for this certain length of time. And we tend to feel that way towards other people who are feeling grief. But when we really tap into our own, we remember that things trigger it, stuff happens, and it's this whole cycle. So I love that we are taking the time to talk about this. And I want to, there is a question that came to mind right before I started talking that I wanted to ask you. Yes. So I want to ask you about allowing yourself the space to heal and reflect. Because so many times in so many different areas of our life, not just grief, we forget that we need that. We are such a society where we're go, go, go, do, do, do. So, what did that look for like for you? Because you worked with Fortune 500 companies, you've worked in sales, you've been in all these places, really high up in the ladder. So, what did this look like to you? And what do you wish you would have done differently knowing what you know now? Let's start there for the people who really need to hear this.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

The first thing that I did, I had been at this particular company for six months when my mom died unexpectedly. And I remember being in the office that day, and then my team sat outside of my office. But I'm saying that because I just want to impress upon you that I was in the office nearly every single day, up until my mom passed away. And when I found out that the amount of allotted days for bereavement was three, I laughed. I was like, there's no way I'm going to pick myself up and be in the headspace to lead a team when I just lost the most important woman in my entire life. And they my boss was really gracious. She was understanding, she didn't came to my mom's memorial. She didn't have to, but she did because she knew what a crushing blow it was to me. But what I did was after my mom passed, I quit because I was not ready to go back. Had I had the chance to do it over again, I think I would have asked for the time to see what they would have said instead of just quitting like that. When I tell you that my mind wasn't fully functional, I really mean that. So I ended up calling my boss one random Wednesday morning at 7 a.m. And I was just like, this serves as notice that I will no longer be working for this company. And it kind of took her back, obviously, because no one was expecting that. But she was like, Do you want to think about it? And I'm like, I have. And this is me putting what I thought about into action. So thank you for this opportunity, but I I must part ways with you. So that's what I did. And I did not work for about, oh my goodness, nine or nine through 11 months. I don't even remember working. I just remember writing this book and taking the time that I needed to get all the thoughts and all the feelings out of my head and onto paper. So I finished the book in about 11 months and decided that I was going to get it published because I just I something was pulling me to do that. And my husband was telling me, he was just like, What are you gonna do with this? You have to do something with this. And so I began the process of, you know, knocking down doors and you know, trying to put my manuscript out there. And then finally at the end of it, I was just like, I'm gonna put this out myself. I don't care, self-publish, let's do this. And that's what I ended up doing. And if I had to do it all over again, I think I would do it the same, but with a little bit more forethought when it came to just up and leaving my job. I wish I could do that part over again.

SPEAKER_02 6:06

I wonder if you would be able to with all the grief that was going on, because now you processed it.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

I guess you're right. When I search myself, I really don't think that there was any other choice at that time to be made but that one. But now that I've got some distance from it, I'm thinking like, oh man, did you really have to? But I guess yes, I guess I had to do it just to stretch myself and to finish this book and do the thing, and that's what I did.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Bill, like, first of all, you're saying that it's not just paternity leave and maternity leave that we need to be changing for wrong. Right, yes, bereavement is crazy, and that's just for you to be able to travel to the funeral back. That's the reason why it's there. Right. You're 100% correct. That's what it but somebody, especially in sales, what kind of marketing are you gonna come up with during this time? Is it gonna be on par?

SPEAKER_00 7:06

I couldn't do it. I had taken a crushing blow with the loss of my mom, my aunt, my granddad, all in the space of like two years. It just was too much. I really had to look within and figure out what was gonna make me happy again. How was I gonna contribute to this life? Because when someone dies that you're very close to, you start thinking about your own mortality. And you start thinking about, am I making the most of this life? At least that's what it was for me. I started thinking about like, what am I doing? Life is so fleeting. And it took the passing of all these people for me to realize that. And now I can't go back. I just can't. It's it's fascinating that you get three to five days of bereavement, no matter who it is, no matter how they died. It just it's asinine to me. It really is. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

And I'm sure so how long ago was this? Let's start there.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

My mom passed away on a Wednesday, February 21st, 2024. So still pretty fresh. It's unbelievably fresh, but I feel like there's been enough distance from it where I can talk about it and not be leveled by having that conversation. Like I've gotten to a place where now I can talk about her, and I'm not a blithering idiot because two days or two months after her death, I could not get it together. I was an emotional wreck. And in a lot of ways, I still am, but I'm doing the work, the therapy, the talking, the self-introspection, all of that stuff to make the load less heavy on my heart. And it's a struggle every single day. It really is.

SPEAKER_02 9:05

You are the perfect place to have the soapbox moment. So you have absolutely good feelings towards your mom. Yeah. And I want to give people who are hearing this and saying, Well, I'm still struggling, but it's someone I did not have good feelings. And I I'll go there because I've had the toxic that we mentioned before we hit record in my past. And I did the same thing with quitting suddenly when my grandma passed away. You did? And for me it was a very complicated relationship. Okay. Because she allowed the abuse to keep going on, she was part of it. She was part of the emotional side. And there were a lot of things, but like she also protected me in some way. Like it was very, it's very, very complicated. Like even like trying to describe it. I still have dreams, but in my dreams now, I'm yelling at them and saying, You knew what was going on, and like I'm totally pulling them off. And I wake up and I'm like, yeah, that's pretty much some that is up. But I like to dream about something else. That things come up and will resurface whether or not you had good feelings towards them.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Yeah.

Therapy And Survival

SPEAKER_02 10:15

And I want to give everybody the space for this that are saying, Well, she had good emotions, she has good things to remember them by. What if I didn't? What if it was complicated? Like, I see you, I'll be the dark one on the side, we'll be the yin and yang. Okay. But knowing that these things do come up and they can be things that have been repressed, and you may have smoothed things over and had a good relationship at the end, but those things still come up when they pass. Of course. And you mentioned something critical that you are doing that starts with a T. Tell us more about you going to therapy, not in a personal, but like in a yeah, what can we gain from it type of way?

SPEAKER_00 10:55

So my mom is the reason why I even started therapy in my 20s. I had made an attempt on my life when I was 24. I failed, obviously, because I'm here talking to you today. But yeah, after my almost 25th birthday, I tried to commit suicide and landed in a hospital for days. They took me to the ER. I had taken a bunch of pills and stuff, and they were like, you've got one of two choices. You can either A drink this charcoal and let it come up when it's supposed to come up, or B, you can let us pump your stomach if you don't want to participate in the charcoal drinking. And I was like, fine, I don't want my stomach pumped. I've heard horrible stories about that. So I elected to drink the charcoal and subsequently was vomiting for hours afterwards. And it was not pleasant. But when they took me out of the ER and put me into the ICU because I'd done a number on my kidney and liver function, I was in there for about four or five days. And the last day before I was set to be released, my mom came to my room because she was there every day. That should be the first time she shows up in the past. Oh, the night that it happened, she was there. But on this particular day, we were talking about my discharge and all that stuff. And she was like, You're not going home. And I said, Oh, I gotta get back to work. And she was like, No, you don't. At the time, I worked for Dell, and they had an excellent insurance provider. And she called my boss and took care of everything, put me on FMLA, and she said, You're going to a mental hospital because I can't take care of you. I don't want you to be by yourself in your condo. And so when you are committed to a facility, they take you by way of an official. So a constable came to pick me up and took me to the hospital. And that's where I stayed for about two weeks, two almost three weeks. I stayed there and did therapy and did group sessions and all that stuff. And after I'd gotten out, my mom was like, I think that you and I should go to therapy together just for a couple of months or so, just so I can see how you're doing and provide support. And we did that. We found a therapist that would see both of us at the same time. And she helped us work through, we didn't really have issues, but there were a couple of things that I was really upset with her about during my childhood. It really helped to have a discussion with her about my grievances and to hear her talk about what she worried about for me. And I've been in therapies ever since. I've had a string of different therapists, but I've been with the one that I have now for some time. And she's terrific. And I cannot impress upon you how important it is to have an objective opinion from someone that you may not be entirely close to who can just, you can bounce ideas off of and tell them how you feel. And it was just the most liberating thing that I could think of ever that has happened to me. Going into this therapy and then trying to do the work of understanding my psychosis or the thing that made me want to off myself, it really, really helped prepare me to understand what those signs are if I'm feeling that deep down in the trenches ever again. So I think it's important. I think it's imperative that most of us seek some kind of therapy, support in our lives in order to deal with this life because it's hard. It's hard.

SPEAKER_02 14:44

And knowing that we're talking about a sensitive subject with suicide, I wanted to mention I know several people who have attempted, and it's not always with the thought that I want to kill myself, it's more I want my suffering to end. Yes, that's different. So I want those who are struggling, our struggles to end. Yes. Maybe not to that degree, but we have all felt that way at the end of a sickness or something else. Take that and amplify it, and you start to understand what these people have gone through. Like Deandra. Yeah. Second of all, that story alone, no wonder why you have an amazing mom. Like, it shows that you have an amazing mom. You don't need to share, share one more story, and we're already like, can she be my mom?

SPEAKER_00 15:33

She was an English teacher. So she taught for well over 35 years, and it was her passion. She loved literature, she loved reading. She would sit down with the book and not put it down until the weekend was over. She was such an avid reader and understood everything there is to know about the English language. She was so smart. I loved her and still love her, and I miss her every single day. And she's still in pack soon. You're still learning from her. It's very like the entire time I was writing this book, I was like, wonder what mom would think about this chapter. You know, I really had her in mind the entire time I was sitting down pouring into this novel, pouring into the emotions, the raw feelings that I had. And she very much felt to me like she was still alive through my work and through just doing this process, going through this process. I really felt her presence with me. I did.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

So let's transition to talking about your book a little bit. We're gonna push on a little bit here. But this book, tell us more of what it's about, and then I would love for you to read a section. Okay, that stands out to you for whatever reason. Show us what the cover is a baby.

SPEAKER_00 16:53

So the book covers several topics. The foremost, of course, being the grief aspect. And the thing that I I didn't want to do was muddy the waters with a lot of negative talk because there's people in the book that I do not talk to that are family today. And I don't know if they've read the book. I don't really care if they have. But yeah, I tried to not focus on the negative aspects. I really wanted to shine a light on the positivity around my mom, my aunt, and my family, because like I have three siblings. We're all very close and all close in age too. So they really, they really, I made it a point to just talk about the relationship aspect, the familial relationships that you have that you share with this one family. And of course, I talk about my suicide attempt. And the reason why I talk about it in the book is to kind of tie everything together. Like this is why my mom's death was such a struggle for me, because I've always struggled in some capacity mentally. You know what I mean? It's hard to say that out loud and not get a visceral reaction, but I I really, really know now that I can look back on the things that I used to do in the way that I used to be before seeking therapy, before even being on medication to kind of, you know, counteract my depression and all that stuff. I really wanted this book to cover the black diaspora because we talk about grief, yeah, but it's always in a sense of you'll get over it. No. And that's why the book is named Redbird, because redbirds, cardinals in particular, are synonymous with angels. The saying goes, when the red bird appears, an angel is near. We had already identified with our family that was a really strong bird that we could all relate to. And it's so funny because I didn't see a red bird directly after my mom passed, but I did when my aunt passed. The morning that she passed, it was like five o'clock in the morning. I was driving like a demon out of Austin to get to my mom because we had just found out that my aunt had died and she was her baby sister. And it was in a back road, it was starting to become dawn, it was beautiful, and this flash of red goes over my windshield, and it was a cardinal. And as soon as I got to my mom's house, I was like, Mom, I saw a cardinal on the way here. I think Sean made it to the other side, and she said, She probably did. That's great. And ever since then, I knew that if one of us died, that I would need to look to something to kind of bring me to peace. And it was the Redbird. I knew that if I ever wrote a book, it would be called Red Bird, no matter what the subject matter. It's because it means so much to me. That bird means the very, very utmost to me. That's why the book is called Red Bird, because it's just such a prolific bird. It's a beautiful bird, it's striking, and it just harkens good tidings.

Family Trauma And Peace

SPEAKER_02 20:23

I find that interesting that you did talk about other people who you don't have relationships with in your books. Yeah. Or very much race and it's very toxic in my very not humble opinion. Okay. But then, well, they're family, so you they need to be no no no no no no no no that allowed sexual abuse to happen. That's what allowed all these other things, and it creates this generational trauma. So I thought that you even mentioned I let go of the ones that are bad and I'm focusing on the ones that are good. We need to do that in our lives to have our own wellness and to continue forward.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

That struck a chord with me because I was just talking about my generational trauma yesterday in my therapy session. I was talking, I have a twin sister, right? So we talk like five times a day. So I was talking to her at one random point yesterday after my session, and I was like, Do you think that we have generational trauma? And then she proceeds to list off all these things that I didn't even freaking think about. And I was like, You are so right. You are so right. It's just like we are a family of women. There's a lot of women in my family on my maternal side and on the paternal side. I've just putting the pieces together, I think I'm gonna draw a diagram of all the matriarchs in our family and figure out where the bottleneck is, like where the issue started, because it's been going on for so many generations. It's crazy. But you really, you really sparked my interest with that word, generational trauma.

unknown 22:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

It sounds like your mom was the change maker.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

She was. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think a lot of that, the way that I feel about family and the way that I move about in this world is because I'm trying to protect my peace. And anybody, I don't care if you are family, who threatens that is expendable to me. Like I don't have time. I'm 46 years old. I'm living my life, and I want to continue living the rest of it in peace. So that's what I do.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

And really that's what wellness is about, is finding your inner peace. Yes. And being able to find it in such a strong way that then it's coming out of you. And to everything else.

unknown 22:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:54

And we tend to forget that, especially in grief, where we're just going to mind numb ourselves and just continue working harder and just grind harder and it it just time makes it better, blah, blah, blah. No, and then you're 10 years later and it's all falling on you.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

You know what I mean? That's why I think when you quit your job and I quit my job after a death, I think that it may not be a popular opinion, but if you can do it, do it. Because there's no job is worth you having to fight mental demons and and all of these feelings that you have in order to just do your work. Like that's not serving yourself. That's not serving your peace. So me taking that that brief little sabbatical from working really did wonders on my psyche and on my spirit.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

I think more than anything, the first step they should take is finding a support group. I think so.

unknown 23:58

Yeah.

Finding Purpose in Grief

Creative Outlets and Support

SPEAKER_02 23:58

More than quitting your job, maybe take a breath or two with that. Find your group of people, find people, especially if it's a support group for people who are fresh, just like you and people who've been in it longer. So you can kind of see like microscope. You can see you can zoom in and zoom out, and you can really see and think of it like AA, how you have those people that hold you up, but it's the way for grief support. Find that, and if it's strong enough, find a grief therapist or counselor, like really dig into that, and you can allow this to be your phoenix. I'm gonna go with a different bird for you. I love the phoenix, it's a beautiful bird. Yeah, the ashes. Anyway, just really take that time to find your purpose, which you found, but for everybody else, too, okay, what is out of alignment? What is the thing that this person who has now passed was teaching me, either good or bad, depending on what type of person this was. Because the thing is we forget that we feel grief, even if it's somebody who is very traumatic to us. Yeah. And it's very different. The things that we should have said, how we should have stood up for ourselves, or maybe if it's somebody like your mom, and the ways that maybe you saw her pain and that you couldn't help her, especially because if it was in her childhood, you weren't even alive yet. Yeah. That it is important. And another way to, if you can't afford grief counseling, which there are free ones available, PS, but if you're not in a mindset for that, pick up some books. Maybe you need to find something that you haven't done before that you're interested in, or go back to it. Is it pottery? Is it drawing? Is it doing angry art? Is it finding your creative outlet to release some of that?

SPEAKER_00 26:01

I cannot agree with you more. If I didn't have something to keep my mind busy, I don't know what I would have done. And I it didn't even occur to me to seek like a group counseling kind of deal. But now that you say that, that would have been great too. Just to have people that you don't know and their experiences, however far removed or however near their person died, you know, it that would have been good to see unique perspectives and not just telling my side of the story and talk to my therapist. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 26:37

So especially because you go through these moments of well, it would have been easier if they took longer to die or if it was faster, you know, depending on the death and how it was, and you'd have that, and then you get to talk to a group and be like, oh no.

The Day She Died

SPEAKER_00 26:50

Death sucks. Doesn't matter how it comes, doesn't matter if the person's been sick or not. My mom hadn't been sick. She was complaining of a sinus infection, and then she went to the doctor the day before she died, and they said that she was dehydrated. They gave her IV fluids in the office and sent her home with a script. And she picked it up, went home, went to sleep, woke up the next morning, texted us, and said that she felt better. And we never heard from her again.

SPEAKER_02 27:21

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

My sister found her. I had called her to do a wellness check because my twin was freaking out, and I had missed a whole slew of phone calls. So I was in it in the conference room at work, not even in my office. My phone was in the office. And I get to my phone and I see I have all these missed calls from my my twin sister Dion. And I call her and I'm like, what's going on? She's like, Have you talked to mom? And immediately my stomach just dropped. Immediately. So I hang up with her. I try to call my mom, just goes to voicemail. I call my other sister, Lindsay, and my older sister. And I said, You got to go to mom's because we're freaking out. We can't get a hold of her. And she was like, on my way. And as a matter of fact, she lives so close to my mom that we were on the phone still talking when she got to my mom's house. And she was, you know, fiddling with her keys and trying to get in the storm door, finally bound the key for that. And she gets in the house and she just spels out this blood curdling scream that I never want to hear again. And dropped up. She dropped the phone. I called 911. By the time 911 had gotten there, Lindsay, who is an occupational therapist, she'd already administered CPR. She had pulled my mom off the bed. And the paramedics took over for her. And about a couple minutes later, they came out and told her, ma'am, she's your mom's gone. And I lost my ever-loving mind in that office. And my boss had to drive me home. My husband was waiting in the yard. And he was like, Is it is mom gone? And I'm like, Yeah. She's gone. Then my husband drove us an hour to my mom's house. And yeah, the rest is history. And they pulled her out of the house and she was in a body bag. They wouldn't let us touch her, but I got to see her one last time. And it was difficult. Very difficult. I assume they wouldn't let you touch her because of possible contaminants, contagion. Let us touch her because we had asked them to do an autopsy.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

And I just I don't know. I my sister was sisters were crying. My brother was a blithering mess. Like I have never seen him like that. And a couple of hours later, my dad comes over to my mom's house. They had long divorced, but he came over and he was like, man, kids. All he said was, I don't know what to say. Nobody knew what to say. It was such a weird moment. We were in her home and they had taken her body out of it, and we were sitting in her living room and thinking about what's next. It was crazy. Never want to go through that again.

Planning End of Life Wishes

SPEAKER_02 30:27

Yeah. Really feeling what DeAndra is saying. I interviewed, she's actually my husband's cousin through marriage.

unknown 30:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 30:37

She is a death duela. And she can walk, you listeners, and DeAndra, if you want to do this too, she can walk you through how to set up your end of life and how to set up how your funeral wants to be. Whoa. How much easier will it be to know that when you pass on your family can just go into robot mode and do those things and focus on there won't be fights happening because it is clearly spelled out how you want things, how you want your life to be. Like really being aware of the people's wishes. Yes. Or if there's certain smells that are triggering for that person, like you know, like really thinking about that thing. So there's that, and then there's also make sure you have your will up to date. Well, I'm gonna tell you about my mom, stuff like this. So you thought about that.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

Yeah, we didn't have any problem because she had this manila envelope that was in her chest of drawers that the detective found. Because when the police came, they were like casing the joint, like looking at the scene, making sure there was no foul play. But the detective, he was like, I just want to tell you guys that this is for you. And he presents this manila folder to my older sister, and he was like, It has all of your mom's wishes in it. It has everything. She had written out that she did not want to be buried, she wanted to be cremated. She gave all of her account information, passwords, logins, all of that stuff for her banking, for just her utility bill, everything. It was all there, all of her passwords, everything neatly arranged. And we had no problems, no infighting, no crazy drama because my mom had already thought of it for us. We didn't have to do anything but just go to the funeral home. And we did that the very next day. And we told him what our mom wanted, paid for it, and we had the memorial a couple of days later. It was that simple. I cannot thank my mom enough for having the forethought to do all that she did in preparation for her homegoing. It just was yeah. That shows love that she loved us very, very much. And we loved her to the moon and back because she was such an awesome mom. Awesome lady.

SPEAKER_02 33:09

That speaks volumes because I know it's not like that for every family. And I know that it can be so difficult, especially if you're doing it towards the end of your own life when you don't have as much mental capacity to do things. Like it it matters so much, and it's so easy to make the small changes that you need in your will or in your arrangements and any of the things that you want to do. Yeah. So take that from the conversation, take from the conversation to take a breath and to make sure that you are taking care of yourself. That is one thing that you definitely spoke to. And for you, what you needed for your self-care was to let it all out through words, through writing. I didn't trust yourself in that.

SPEAKER_00 34:00

And my mom, she wasn't to me, she never seemed old. Like she had just made 70. She had turned 70 on January 25th, and then died. I know she died a month later. And I was like, what the I just I get angry when I think about it, because in some ways I feel like, yes, life is a cycle. You live, you die, whatever, you're born, whatever. But I can't help feeling a little cheated because we still have so many good years left, you know, and Western.

SPEAKER_02 34:36

And that brings up the whole, like, well, then I want to be kind of like God in this and creates this whole cycle. But maybe it's just instead of getting yourself there, it's feeling the feelings. Yeah. It's somebody who is a really good person. For me, I'm absolutely going to celebrate when some of the people in my family die. That's really awful to me, but it's also the their evilness is not continuing, right? Yeah. That means it's somebody who is so good, like my stepdad was amazing. My third kid is named after him. It's stuff like that. And our kids never got to meet him, like it's hard. Oh, that's somebody who's so good. But for me, it's remembering that he gave those good things to me. He shared them with me. And it's my job to then share with the world on his behalf. It's your job with your mom with this book.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

It's your job to impart that to your children.

SPEAKER_02 35:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:32

Let them know that they come from good stock. Yeah. That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 35:36

Or kids were looking through old pictures, and I forgot in the album, like, oh, here's your namesake here. That's so sweet.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

And you're so lucky that you have people, like you're these little people that you're raising to tell all about the great things that your stepdad did. Because then he can live on through them. Yeah. And through your words, which I think is just tremendous.

Self Care and Slowing Down

SPEAKER_02 35:59

Yeah. And it can be hard. So when I went to his funeral, I was super struggling, but seeing all of his family members doing well and feeling peace. It's felt like an extra. And it's remembering through this for anybody else who goes through this or reflects back on this. We all have our journeys and they look different.

SPEAKER_00 36:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 36:23

And we can be so healed. We're never going to be truly feel healed. And things will trigger us. And that is our reminder that when that happens, we need to let go more. And we need to really, what do I need right now? What self-care do I need right now? And if I can't do it right now, what can I do later? And make sure that later comes. And I think that really I've been reflecting on the blue zones. Yeah, blue zones. And those are people who live to 120. Yeah. And this is a big deal talking about this. Your mom made it to 70. But what can you be doing, Miss Workaholic? And we know so many other people like this. What can you be doing to make sure that you are slowing down and taking care of yourself in this very deep level? Well. And when you were really taking care of yourself in that really deep wellness level, that's when you can then shine forth. It's not going and doing more. And I think that's what you definitely what you showed us with you saying you quit your job. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:28

That you then took that time. I had to.

unknown 37:31

Right.

SPEAKER_00 37:32

There was no other thought to be made. Just like how you like up and quit your job. I bet it was just like the most liberating thing you could have done for yourself in that moment. It helped me have a really good shift. The weird thing about it is that I I am a workaholic. This is true. But the weird thing about my quitting at that particular juncture of my life was that I was not worried about finding another job. I knew that I would have one. I just didn't want one right now because I couldn't handle it. So after that 11 months was up, it was gonna be, it was Christmas again. So I was like, well, maybe I should go ahead and start applying for some things, you know, maybe bring in the new year with a job. And I started my new job that I'm currently in January 4th, 2025. I'm I think my mom made that happen because she knew that I wasn't in the mental space to handle a job when she passed. And then I wrote the book. And right when I finished it, I got a job. It was just that easy. And I I wonder if it would have been different had I quit, like maybe a couple of months after mom passed. I wonder if it would have been different. But when I when I quit when I did, it let me know because I got the other job, you know, later. That was what I was supposed to do. That alignment is not amazing. The alignment, exactly. It was like a perfect storm, planetary alignment, whatever you want to call it.

SPEAKER_02 39:04

There is a big difference between when we force things to align and when we give the space and then they align on their own. And it that reminder of, oh, I don't have to work as hard. Yeah, I can spend that time on myself instead. And I don't mean that in the selfish way, I mean in the very deep, what do I need? What is my soul craving? Like that kind of how do I fill this precisely instead of having this moment because I'm not taking care of myself. So the other side of me comes through. And I think we tend to be so busy rushing and doing things that we forget that we do have our loved ones there with us helping us, yeah, and that we have this inspiration and everything else. And it's hard when we have all of this noise and this chatter in our head, sometimes listening to music all the time or whatever, how how often we're tuning out instead of tuning into ourselves. So I love that you were talking on all these things, and it makes sense that your mom was there and very involved with that of her being like, Yes, you did the right thing.

SPEAKER_00 40:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:20

Because everything just happened too perfectly. And I was like, Oh, that's just mom. Just sett me up for success. I love I'm just I'm just so lucky that in the ethereal sense, she's such a huge proponent of my life or component. She's just, she will always be. She will continue to raise me until I am no more.

SPEAKER_02 40:43

Not only that, I continue through generations.

SPEAKER_00 40:46

Yes, you're right. And I didn't talk about her namesake. She was born a month to the day that my mom passed away. So mom died February 21st. Eden Kay, who has her middle name, Kay, was born March 21st of 2024. And she's like this little light. She's just like my mom. And I consulted a psychic or a medium, and I didn't tell her anything about the baby being born. She just knew that my mom had passed. And she was like, Oh, she's back already. Your mom is already here. Did you know that? And I'm like, Yeah, I do. It her name is Eden, and she's yes, and she was like, She picked her body and she came back. Who this baby is is my niece's baby. She didn't know she was pregnant. My niece is 26 now, and she had finished college when she was 22, and she's a dancer, and she did not know that she was pregnant. The guy, Eden's father, they've known each other since they were like 12 or 14, and my mom loved him. She loved this kid, and she would have been so tickled that Jaden had this baby named Eden, and it's just it's like my mom's back again. She's got her manner, her mannerisms, she does little things that my mom used to do, and it's just it cannot be denied. It's incredible. Yeah. So the out of the darkness comes light.

Where to Find the Book

SPEAKER_02 42:23

And that's actually in a band that my husband and I really like. It's a heavy, heavier metal band that's the heaviest goes this band. But anyway, he said has that in one of his lyrics. And oh really. But every time I hear that song, I'm like, so true. It is true. Tell us where to find you and where to find your book. And I'm sure people will want to follow you just because of the sales part. I'm sure you impart wisdom on your social media there. So, like, tell us those places.

SPEAKER_00 42:53

Yeah, so you can find the book on Amazon.com or BarnesandNoble.com or bookpeople.com, even on my website, which is booksbydera.com. And I'm also on Instagram. My handle is just my entire name, DeAndra Ford Wing. There's only one of me. And my LinkedIn handle is the same, DeAndra Ford Wing on LinkedIn.

Final Thanks and Disclaimer

SPEAKER_02 43:17

Thank you so much for this conversation and for Thank you. I'm sure this brought up so many different emotions for you, but hopefully you felt I I could tell that you felt a lot of the joy of your mom. So I hope we continue feeling that throughout the rest of the day and week and beyond that. And I know with it being Halloween that some people believe that like the spirits are closer to us during this time. So I hope you have the chance to feel that and happy. I hope I do too. Thank you, Autumn. Have a great day. You team. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope that you found the answers that you needed and you had some amazing aha moments. Please share this episode with others. Because it helps us align ourselves and then better align the world so that we can seek the healing that we really are looking for. As part of the legal language, I am a certified life coach with a bachelor's in applied health. That is what I am leaning on for this. This is general advice. Take it as such. See you in the next episode.